Shawn Hitchins
Shawn Hitchins is a Canadian comedian, author and actor. Shawn grew up gay in a tiny rural enclave during the 1980s and 90s - between the time of the AIDS epidemic and the expansion of gay rights. Thus Shawn's life has had ups and downs, but he was able to channel his feelings into his entertainment career and his writing.
Shawn Hitchins on stage
Shawn's first book, A Brief History of Oversharing: One Ginger's Anthology of Humiliation, is mostly light-hearted and humorous. This memoir is much different, being a journal of profound grief. Shawn lost two people he loved - his former common law husband Matt and his ex-boyfriend David - in a short period of time, and was devastated by the losses. Shawn struggled on, though, and writes, "This story is my path back to aliveness. This story is.....a ballad for two dynamic men who changed my life."
Shawn and his ex-common law husband, Matthew James Hines, were together for six years. During that time Shawn and Matt hosted game nights, dinners, drunken kitchen parties, and holiday celebrations for their different groups of friends. Shawn writes, "[Matt] became my co-captain, by wingman as we traveled from world to world (both his and mine). Life was easier with an ally at these events, someone who also understood the intricacies and backstories of our chosen family trees."
Shawn and Matt also attended weekly dinners at the home of Matt's city mom Louisa, where "champagne flutes bubbled over and four-finger shots of bourbon poured between courses of prime cuts of meat roasted to perfection and decadent buttercream topped cakes."
Shawn and Matt's relationship had its problems though, and they eventually had a 'conscious uncoupling' even though they still cared about each other. Matt got custody of the cat Stevie.
A couple of years after Shawn's common law marriage broke up, he met Californian David Francisco
Shawn writes about their sexy meeting; the dynamics of a long-distance romance that included frequent messaging and visits back and forth; David's rental room in the home of Princess Jasmine - who had tickle parties; climbing San Francisco's Bernal Hill with Ziggy the cat tagging along; dinners with David's city mom Rachael and her husband John; intellectual discussions; butter tarts from Ontario; California lemons; and more.
Canadian butter tarts
Sadly, David was deeply troubled and the relationship ended within a year. This wounded Shawn, but Shawn and David stayed in touch and tried to be supportive of each other.
In October, 2018 Shawn's ex-common law husband Matt died from a tragic accident, a terrible incident that made Matt's passing even harder for his family and friends. Afterwards, Shawn helped clear Matt's apartment, which brought back memories of Matt's interests, idiosyncrasies, and their time together.
Matt had an anthology of Meryl Streep movies that made him cry (his 'cry-tear-ion collection'); kept a box filled with cards, concert tickets, lanyards, and programs; loved whimsy and miniatures; and was drawn to rickety old spaces with uneven floors and cracked plaster. Shawn recalls, "[Matt] created a warm sense of home with objects he found rummaging through church basements or pulled from curbside trash."
Matt had a collection of Meryl Streep movies
Shawn was crushed by Matt's death, and a second tragedy soon afterwards compounded the trauma.
Six months after Matt's death, in April, 2019, Shawn's former boyfriend David took his own life. This act seemed almost inexplicable to Shawn though he long suspected David was bipolar. Shawn mourned with David's loved ones, who cleared David's apartment and listened to a Spotify playlist of David's music as they recalled his life.
David's loved ones also did an elaborate ritual for the deceased, to send him extra energy on his journey. Later on they had a memorial service where Shawn said, "This is shit. You have to excuse my language. I know it's not right to swear at a memorial, but his is just shit. For those of you experiencing suicide for the first time, welcome to the LGBTQ experience."
Shawn's bereavement process was long and painful, involving therapy, introspection, extensive reading, Gaga movement (a kind of dancing), and more. Getting the cat Stevie back helped as well.
Gaga movement
For remembrance, Shawn also made ofrendas for the Day of the Dead, one for Matt and one for David, each covered with their personal effects. Shawn observes, "As I have come to understand it, Dia De Los Muertos celebrates a belief that our beloveds do not die, though they change physical form; they become ancestors who remain alive as part of the social conversation.
Example of an ofrenda
Writing this book was part of Shawn's grief and recovery process. The narrative is sad and moving, but also has some light moments and laughs.
Grief is a personal experience for everyone, but this book might help light the way for people who've experienced a loss.
Thanks to Netgalley, Shawn Hitchins, and ECW Press for a copy of the book.
Rating: 4 stars
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