Review of "Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing: A Memoir" by Matthew Perry

Matthew Perry is probably best know for playing Chandler Bing on 'Friends', which is considered one of the best and most popular sitcoms in the history of television.

Matthew Perry


Poster from the 'Friends' television show

I watched Friends, and noticed that Perry's appearance changed from time to time. I thought the actor was just gaining and losing weight, and didn't realize he was struggling with alcohol and drug addiction. In this memoir, Perry writes about his long battle with substance abuse, and the way it's affected every aspect of his life.

Perry ascribes his addiction problems both to his genes and to triggering childhood experiences. In 1969, Matthew was born to Suzanne Langford Perry and John Bennett Perry, whom Matthew describes as two of the most beautiful people in the world.


Mathew Perry's mother Suzanne


Matthew Perry's father John

The marriage failed, and little Matthew had to shuttle, as an unaccompanied minor, between his mom in Canada and his dad in California. The experience made Matthew feel frightened and insecure, and profoundly affected his life. In addition, Matthew was a colicky baby, and - as was the custom at the time - his pediatrician prescribed phenobarbital (barbiturates) to calm him down. Matthew cites these incidents as influencing his later dependence on alcohol and opioids.


Little Matthew Perry with his dad

Perry grew up mostly in Canada, where he was an average student and a good tennis player, thinking of himself as the 'next Jimmy Connors.' At fifteen Matthew left his mother and her new family in Canada and joined his father in California, where the teenager hoped to launch his tennis career.


Teenage Mathew Perry was a ranked tennis player in Canada

But a good player in chilly Canada - where tennis is played for only a few months a year - is a modest player in sunny California, which hatches some tennis superstars. Thus Perry decided to become an actor like his dad, who - among other things - was the 'Old Spice Man' in television commercials of the 1960s and 1970s.


John Perry as the 'Old Spice Man' in television commercials

By his mid-teens Matthew was already drinking alcohol, having begun at the age of fourteen. Perry was soon a full-blown alcoholic, missing auditions and acting gigs because of his drinking.

Despite his problems, Perry was lucky enough to score the role of Chandler Bing on Friends in 1994. Perry has nothing but kind words and praise for his castmates, but - if you're looking for gossip and fun stories about filming Friends - you won't find it here. Matthew writes a little about the auspicious launch of the show; observes that all his co-stars were good-looking, talented, and caring; and admits he once had a crush on Jennifer Aniston.....and that's about it.

In 1997 Perry had a jet ski accident while filming a movie, and was prescribed Vicodin for the pain. Matthew was immediately enthralled with the 'high' provided by the pills, and his addiction to opioids began. By his late twenties Perry was an outright pill-popping alcoholic, and at one point was drinking almost two quarts of vodka and swallowing 55 Vicodins per day.


Matthew Perry became a pill-popping alcoholic

Just getting the opioids was time-consuming since Perry had to visit doctor after doctor, claiming to suffer from migraines (which was a lie). Matthew also trolled real estate 'open houses' on Sundays, to steal pills from medicine cabinets, and purchased Vicodin from drug-dealers. On top of alcohol and Vicodin, Matthew was addicted to cigarettes, and smoked three packs of Marlboros per day, which just added to his problems.


Matthew Perry was a heavy smoker

Matthew knew he was on the wrong track and - time after time - asked for help, spoke to therapists, went to rehab, stayed in hospitals, had sober companions, got assistance from his father, was shored up by his co-stars, etc. Perry went to thousands of AA meetings, detoxed 65 times, and spent millions of dollars trying to curb his dependence, but he couldn't get clean. The star was apparently always looking to fill some void that couldn't be sated by his fame or his wealth (at one point the Friends stars were making more than a million dollars per episode). Matthew tends to be spiritual, and credits God with helping him fight his cravings, though the star had little long-term success.

To try to fill the emptiness inside him, Matthew bought one pricey home after another, always seeking a 'good view.' Perry also purchased expensive cars like Porsches and Bentleys, and engaged in innumerable 'friends with benefits' relationships.




Matthew Perry bought expensive homes and cars




Matthew Perry dated many beautfiul women

On rare occasions, Matthew even had a steady girlfriend - including Julia Roberts at one point - but always broke up with the woman before she had a chance to leave him (as Perry was sure she would do).


Julia Roberts was Matthew Perry's girlfriend for a while

According to Perry he was scrupulously honest with the many women he slept with, telling them up front he only wanted a sexual relationship, not a committment. Nevertheless, Perry comes off as a thoughtless user (in my opinion). In any case, Matthew seems to be paying for some of his mistakes since he acknowledges that now, at the age of 53, he's lonely and alone in his beautiful house with a view.

Matthew describes his addictions in the most harrowing terms, hoping to warn others of the dangers of drug and alcohol dependence. At one point, Perry describes a horrific incident in 2018 when his bowel - impacted by drug use - exploded. Matthew was in a coma for two weeks, was given a 2 percent chance of survival, and woke up with a colostomy - which he had for 9 months until his reversal. Sadly, more abdominal surgeries are in Perry's future. The near-death experience appears to have been a turning point for Perry, who claims he's now clean and sober. I wish him luck.


Matthew Perry's 2018 illness resulted in abdominal surgery

Perry sincerely apologizes to his family, friends, and former girlfriends.....and to the colleagues and co-workers who were negatively affected by his bad behavior. Perry states over and over again that he blames no one but himself, though he appears to harbor some resentment toward his parents, whom he feels neglected him for their own careers.




Matthew Perry talks about his book and his regrets in an interview with Diane Sawyer

Perry sprinkles his narrative with humorous anecdotes about his auditions, acquaintances, fellow comedians, movie-making experiences, and so on, but - though Matthew is a self-proclaimed funny guy in real life - the book never made me laugh out loud.

I was a bit disappointed with the narrative, which is more of an apologia than a compelling story of Matthew's life. Still, if the book succeeds in warning off potential drug and alchohol abusers, it's a good thing.

Rating: 3.5 stars