Review of "Food: A Love Story" by Jim Gaffigan

Jim Gaffigan

Jim Gaffigan is an American stand-up comedian, actor, and writer. His comedy routines are generally about fatherhood, indolence, being out of shape, and food. Gaffigan's books are based on his stand-up material, so if you've seen his shows or TV specials you know what to expect.

I read the author's first book, "Dad is Fat", and enjoyed the collection of fun anecdotes about Gaffigan and his wife Jeannie raising their five kids in a two-bedroom New York City apartment. In this second book, Gaffigan addresses another one of his favorite subjects - food.

Gaffigan likes to joke about his big belly and insatiable appetite, and notes, "I try to stick to three meals a day, and three more at night." The comic travels all over the country to perform, and - being 'too lazy' to research restaurants - relies on local residents and Twitter followers to direct him to tasty eateries.

Thus, the comic is well- acquainted with restaurants in every state, and riffs on all manner of burger places, pizzerias, sandwich shops, food courts, fine dining establishments, family eateries, buffets, diners, and so on. If he hasn't been to your favorite bistro, café, or deli, it's because no one pointed him in that direction.





Gaffigan asserts, "I'm not a foodie, I'm an eatie," and admits that some of his favorite foods are steak, cheeseburgers, bacon, French fries, Chicago deep dish pizza, Katz's pastrami sandwiches, New York bagels, Mexican food, cake, and more. On the other hand, Gaffigan shuns fruits, vegetables, and seafood.....and wants to stop the manufacture of American cheese.

To provide a feel for the humor in the book, I'll give some examples of Gaffigan's bits. Just picture the comedian reciting these quips.....

- I hate shellfish. If something looks like it could crawl out from under your refrigerator I won't eat it. There's not a nickel worth of difference between a lobster and a scorpion.


Lobster scorpion

- Oysters are like snot from a rock. And they're supposed to be an aphrodisiac. What? It's more likely that after you eat an oyster you're so happy to be alive you'll sleep with anyone.


Oysters

- Every city in the Southeast has its own unique type of food, found only in that city. And it all happens to be called barbecue. Touring the South, doing standup, feels like an 'eating barbecue' tour.


Barbecue place in Alabama


Barbecue place in Mississippi

- There's an old Weight Watchers' saying: "Nothing tastes as good as thin feels." I for one can think of a thousand things that taste better than thin feels. Many of them are two word phrases that end with cheese, like: cheddar cheese, blue cheese, and grilled cheese.


Cheese plate

- At meals with our five children, my wife Jeanie likes to say Grace. I view saying Grace as ready, set..... and Amen is go.


Gaffigan family enjoying dessert

- Mexican food is so good you'd think the REAL immigration problem would be fat guys like me sneaking across the border INTO Mexico. It's hard to screw up Mexican food. The Midwestern suburban Mexican food I grew up with consisted of the same four ingredients: nachos are tortillas with cheese, meat, and vegetables; burritos are tortillas with cheese, meat, and vegetables. Ditto for tostadas and chimichangas. It's all the same stuff in different shapes.


Mexican food

- I hate when I try to order a salad. My mouth says I'll have a double quarter pounder with cheese. It's like I have auto-correct in my mouth. My heart may be willing but my brain abdicated to my taste buds long ago.


Double quarter pounder with cheese

- Nobody likes fruit. Fruit takes too much work. You have to wash it. And you have to take off that sticker Al-Quaeda put on there.


Apple with sticker

- Bacon is the candy of meat. Bacon makes people happy. Bacon holds a special place in my heart....and my stomach. I love everything about bacon, even the name. You can't tell me some of the success of Kevin Bacon isn't related to his name. After all, no one wants to see a Kevin Tofu movie.


Bacon


Kevin Bacon

- I love going to the grocery store. For me it's like going to an art museum of food I've eaten. In grocery stores food is on display at its finest. All the fruits are shiny and color coordinated. I love the food packaging; it's like the clothing of food. It seems the fancier the food the nicer the packaging. While Pepperidge Farm bread is packaged in the equivalent of a three piece suit, generic cereal comes in plastic bags.....and lives on the bottom shelf, like it's homeless.


Grocery store

- Getting food delivered to my home involves two of my favorite activities. Eating and not moving. The worst part of delivery for me is getting up and answering the door.


Grocery delivery

- I find milk unappealing but what we make from cow's breast milk is truly amazing. Cheese, ice cream, whipped cream, butter. Everyone loves cheese. Supposedly the average American eats 23 pounds of cheese a year.


Milk products

- My thoughts on cheeses:

Cheddar is the utility cheese. It works great everywhere. Great on a hamburger, great on a sandwich, even great with a piece of apple pie.


Cheddar cheese

Blue cheese is an acquired taste, and I acquired it. It's not my daily cheese, but it's one of my favorites. Blue cheese is like the ice cream sundae of cheese.


Blue cheese

Swiss is the grapefruit juice of cheese. No one really wants Swiss cheese but it's nice to provide a choice for the occasional weirdo who wants something gross tasting.


Swiss cheese

American cheese - I hate American cheese. This would be my letter to Kraft:
Dear Kraft, I hope you are well. Regarding American cheese, I'd like you to stop making it please. It's disgusting and completely unsatisfying. Let me be clear up front. I'm a huge fan of cheese. I love cheese. I've gone to wine and cheese events just for the cheese. But American cheese is the worst of all cheeses. I think the plastic that you wrap the slices in is tastier than the cheese.


American cheese

- McDonalds is the true king of burgers. Burger King is the imposter king. It's motto is, "Not as good as McDonalds.'


McDonald's burger


Burger King burger

- If McDonald's is the one true king of burgers, Wendy's is the kingslayer. Wendy's is my favorite of the fast food chains. I always think of Wendy's as a real restaurant. I sometimes walk by Wendy's and think, 'Shoot, I wish I didn't just eat.' But then I just get a double anyway.


Wendy's burger

- Dessert is special. In diners and truck stops desserts are sometimes put in a rotating glass case, like they're some of Queen Elizabeth's jewelry.


Dessert display

- I travel a lot and spend an enormous amount of time in airports. If your job involves traveling, you understand. It's too exhausting. Counting the time going to and from the airport, packing, going through security, flight delays, and picking up checked luggage, a flight from New York to Chicago takes a week.

- Of all food options at airports I consider 'Auntie Anne's Pretzels' a last resort. I love pretzels and have contemplated a world with only pretzel bread on many occasions. But Auntie Anne's is not for me because I don't consider a grease soaked pretzel appealing. To be fair Auntie Anne's is not just pretzels. They also have pretzel dogs and pretzels with pepperonis on them and pretzels rolled in cinnamon sugar and....that's it. There are dipping sauces at Auntie Anne's that are distinguished by the ailments they cause: this sauce causes heart disease, this sauce causes liver failure.....



- I love living in New York City. My favorite part of NYC is the bagel. NYC has the best bagels. There's something special about the NYC bagel. I wasn't always a bagel snob. Back in Indiana I could go through a sleeve of frozen Lender's bagels before they were even thawed. As a college student in Washington DC I worked in a café and discovered the masterpiece that is a cinnamon raisin bagel with cream cheese and bacon. But it was in NYC that i received my bagel education. Bagels in NYC are more dense, more flavorful, and when toasted develop this crunchy outer crust that becomes its own entity. When you bite through that crunchy outer layer and experience the warm chewy insides of a NYC bagel you will become a believer too and you will forsake all other bagels.


Bagels

******

I listened to the audio version of the book - narrated by the author - and got a lot of laughs. I'd recommend the book to readers (or listeners) who like clean stand-up comedy in book form.

Note: To me this book cover - Jim Gaffigan marrying a hot dog - is hilarious. Gaffigan would probably say though, that the wiener isn't as beautiful as his wife Jeannie.


Jeannie Gaffigan

Rating: 4 stars