Tiffany Haddish
Tiffany Haddish is an American comedian and actress. She's a stand-up comic, was on the television shows 'If Loving You is Wrong' and 'The Carmichael Show', and was featured in the film 'Keanu.' Haddish's breakout film was 'Girls Trip' (very funny) and she was named one of Time's 100 most influential people for 2018.
*****
Tiffany Haddish overcame a good deal to become the successful woman she is today. Though some of Haddish's stories are dispiriting, she relates them all with a sense of humor, and it's clear that she's an optimist at heart.
Tiffany's father left when she was small and the man she calls 'the stepfather' was a philanderer 'who sucked', but her mother was devoted to him. Tiffany was convinced her mom preferred her younger half-siblings because she loved their father.....and hated hers. Things got even worse when Tiffany was eight, and her mother was in a car accident that left her brain damaged. The injured woman was hospitalized for months, and had to learn to walk, talk, and eat again.
When Tiffany's mother finally came home from the hospital she was 'crazy.' Mom would punch and hit Tiffany relentlessly and say things like "You look like your ugly-ass daddy. I hate him. You're ugly and stupid. I hate you." After that Tiffany's mother was frequently in and out of mental institutions.
What makes this tale even worse is that, when the stepfather took Tiffany out for her 21st birthday, he told her a shocking story. They were both tipsy, and Tiffany mentioned that she'd been feeling sick and depressed (more about this below). The stepfather told her "You're fine. You're gonna make it. God has a purpose for you because you're supposed to be dead along with your brothers and sisters." The stepfather went on to explain that Tiffany and her siblings (his children) were intended to be in the car on the night of his wife's accident. He had taken out insurance policies on all of them, then cut the brakes.
Tiffany didn't know whether she was supposed to believe him or if it was some kind of shock therapy, but she tried to get proof....without success.
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Tiffany entered the foster care system at 13, and at 14 was taken in by her grandmother, who stayed with foster care for financial reasons. While young Tiffany was in foster homes, she was beat up by bigger girls and molested by an old man who 'sucked her titties to make them grow.' Tiffany was so naïve that she didn't even realize this was wrong until years later!
When Tiffany aged out of foster care at 18 her grandmother could no longer afford to keep her, and put her out.
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During Tiffany's stay with grandma, she was in high school, which was - on the whole - a positive experience. One problem, though, was that Tiffany couldn't read until the 9th grade. Tiffany managed to fake it by getting people to read to her and using other ruses, but was finally exposed by her drama teacher. Tiffany took drama class to be near her crush, Audie, whom she doggedly pursued.
By the end of 9th grade, the drama teacher had figured out Tiffany's hustle and gave her a script to read - a role opposite Audie.
- Tiffany: "Let me take the script home and work on it. I'll do it tomorrow."
- Teacher: "No."
- Tiffany: "I don't feel well."
- Teacher: "You felt fine just a few minutes ago."
- Tiffany (wheedling): "Teacher.....you have such pretty hair."
- Teacher: "Tiffany, can you read?"
With the instructor's help, Tiffany learned to read and "felt like she had a superpower." Tiffany finally realized she was actually smart!
*****
Tiffany lived in the Los Angeles area and was bussed to El Camino Real High School, which was mostly white and Asian. Tiffany was well-liked at school because she was "poor as f**k chic." Tiffany - who was a good talker, had great style, and was funny - stood out.
She became the mascot for the football team and her routine was "dope" - running up and down the field with a megaphone; passing out candy; dancing with people in the stands; etc.
Tiffany caught the eye of an 18-year-old entrepreneur named Tim ('DJ Timbo'), who emceed Bar Mitzvahs. DJ Timbo hired Tiffany to work at his events, and she made $40 a party....getting people on their feet; dancing with the guests; performing her football field routines; doing the wave; and so on. After a couple of years Tiffany became one of the emcees and made $200 to $300 per event. Spicing up Bar Mitzvahs was Tiffany's 'weekend work' for ten years.
Tiffany started doing stand-up comedy at 15, and - during one summer break - went to "Laugh Factory Comedy Camp." At camp Tiffany met the biggest influence in her life, Richard Pryor. Pryor told Tiffany she needed to have fun for the audience to have fun, and this advice affected Tiffany's performances and her life.
Richard Pryor
*****
After Tiffany left her grandmother's house at 18, she quit comedy (temporarily) to get a job and provide for herself. Tiffany worked at the airport, manning a ticket counter, and dated a couple of baggage handlers.....neither of whom worked out. Over the years Tiffany met a lot of 'wrong men', and her stories about them are simultaneously funny and sad. I'll give a brief example.
Titus
At 21, Tiffany was dating Titus, a baggage handler who wanted to be a pimp. Titus lost his job, started disappearing for days, and was exposed as a cheater by his 8-year-old sister - but Tiffany refused to believe anything bad about him. Then Tiffany found a sex tape that PROVED Titus was seeing a stripper named Bertha....and pimping her out. Angry and hurt, Tiffany broke up with the liar.
Titus got his mama, grandma, and aunties to call Tiffany, saying she was destroying him.....and trying to make her feel like it was all her fault. Tiffany was convinced they ALL knew what Titus was doing, so she had a movie bootlegger splice Titus's sex tape into 15 copies of 'Charlie's Angels', and sent them to Titus's relatives for Christmas. She also pooped in his shoes.
On Christmas day, the shit hit the fan. Titus's mother and grandmother called Tiffany in a fury: "What is wrong with you. Everyone saw that....kids, grandkids, the whole family. Titus f**king Bertha." To add insult to injury, Tiffany then 'stole' Bertha from Titus and became the woman's pimp (agent) for porn movies....which was quite profitable for both of them.
After the Titus-Bertha hubbub, Tiffany became depressed - with frequent bouts of crying, stomach pain, and torrential menstrual bleeding. Tiffany went to a therapist, who helped her realize that she missed doing comedy. So Tiffany started doing open mikes.....improved over time.....and became very popular. Tiffany's illness receded, she began to score paid gigs, and she never looked back.
When Tiffany was back in show business, she married a man (twice) that she refers to as 'the ex-husband.' The ex-husband was jealous, possessive, and abusive, but Tiffany thought he loved her and wanted to take care of her. This cautionary tale is related in detail in the book.
Tiffany Haddish and her ex-husband
*****
Tiffany became very successful, but it was a long hard road, dotted with lecherous men who tried to take advantage of her. For instance, Tiffany wanted to open for a comic she calls 'Rumpelstiltskin', but he said she'd have to "open her legs for him".....which was a no go. After Tiffany got a TV show and a movie, Rumpelstiltskin's manager called to ask her if she'd open for him and she said "F**k that."
Another comic, after being turned down for sex, told people Tiffany had f**ked him in his car. She called the comic out in public - yelling and screaming - and forbid him to ever say her name again.....OR ELSE. (You gotta admire the girl!)
This kind of thing happened again and again, until Tiffany became a headliner and earned their respect. Now, Rumpelstiltskin has apologized and - once again - asked Tiffany to work with him. Tiffany responded: "I used to get a dollar a minute, now I get a thousand dollars a minute." They're negotiating a possible deal. Tiffany feels blessed for her success, and would like to see other female comics succeed. Her word of advice:"Keep your legs closed and earn your comedy stripes on your feet."
Tiffany has lots more engaging tales in the book, including: her short stint with Scientology; an attempt to take her mother shopping at Target; a brief reunion with her biological father; her status as a 'Princess' in Eritrea; a New Orleans swamp tour with Jada Pinkett Smith and Will Smith; and many more. I'd highly recommend the book to fans of celebrity memoirs....and to anyone else who likes a good story.
Rating: 4 stars
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