Review of "Life Will Be the Death of Me.....and You Too!: A Memoir" by Chelsea Handler

Chelsea Handler

Chelsea Handler is an American comic, actress, writer, television host, producer, and activist. Chelsea's a funny gal, but she takes a serious look at her life in this book - written as a result of a mid-life crisis triggered by Donald Trump's election. "The news was giving me diarrhea", Chelsea writes. "The whole administration was giving me diarrhea. My outrage was high."


Chelsea had a mid-life crisis after Trump's election

Chelsea excoriates Trump as well as 'vampiric Ivanka and Jared', and 'Sarah Suckabee Sanders.' Chelsea is especially offended by the women in the Trump administration who do a disservice to their own gender.

Chelsea acknowledges that she herself had a favored, successful life. Talented, pretty, Jewish, and driven, young Chelsea went to Hollywood and scored roles in movies and television before getting her own shows on E! and then Netflix.


Teen Chelsea Handler was talented and pretty

Nevertheless, at the age of 42 Chelsea felt that something about her life was off, and - following Trump's ascendancy - decided to get therapy. Thus, Chelsea started seeing 'a real psychiatrist', Dr. Dan Siegel.


Chelsea Handler's psychiatrist, Dr. Dan Siegel

Chelsea goes into detail about her therapy with Dan and recreates many of her conversations with the analyst. These sections are interspersed with anecdotes about Chelsea's life, some serious and some funny.

At Dan's suggestion, Chelsea took the Enneagram personality test, which shows you which of nine personality categories you fit into.



Chelsea decided she was a type 8 personality. "Eights are self-confident, strong, assertive, protective, resourceful, straight-talking, and decisive, but they can also be ego-centric and domineering. Eights typically have problems with their tempers and with allowing themselves to be vulnerable. At their Best: eights use their strength to improve others' lives, becoming heroic, magnanimous, and inspiring." At their worst, eights are sociopaths.

Chelsea observes that her dad and Donald Trump are also type 8 (I guess with Trump being on the sociopathic end of the scale.) Chelsea notes: "The best way to describe my father is that he's a lot like Donald Trump but less successful, thank God, otherwise the damage he could have unleashed on innocent people could have been more widespread.


Small Chelsea Handler and her father Melvin

Chelsea calls her dad a 'shyster' and observes - not quite jokingly - that he sexually harassed all the black and Latina women in his orbit.

During her analysis with Dan, Chelsea's epiphany comes when she realizes she hasn't properly dealt with the two biggest tragedies in her life: the death of her oldest brother Chet from a disastrous fall, and the death of her mother from cancer.

Chelsea writes, "My brother was the first man I ever slept with. The night I came home from the hospital my mom said that Chet, who was 13 at the time, asked if he could sleep with me....to which my mom agreed." Protective Chet had a rough night, though, since he worried about rolling over and crushing a two-day-old baby.

Chelsea asserts, "This gives you some insight into how interested my parents [Melvin and Rita Handler] were in raising children, or for that matter in using protection. They had 6 children and it's a miracle any of us are still breathing." Not to give the wrong impression, the Handlers loved their children, but had a laissez-faire attitude about rearing them. For instance, when pre-teen Chelsea walked into the house with a case of beer 'to try out', Rita just shrugged it off.


Chelsea Handler's parents, Melvin and Rita

Chelsea adored her brother Chet. He would pull her from the covers and swing her in a circle; drive her around and let her listen to music; and take her sailing. On boating jaunts with his siblings, Chet always upset the skiff, dropping everyone in the water and making them laugh hysterically.


Chelsea Handler's brother Chet

When Chelsea was 9 and Chet was 22, the family - who lived in New Jersey - planned a trip to their vacation cottage in Martha's Vineyard. Chet decided to go hiking first, at the Grand Canyon, Zion Canyon, and then the Grand Tetons. Chelsea fussed, but Chet promised he'd come home in a couple of weeks and join the family. He never did.


Grand Teton National Park in Wyoming

Chet fell down a mountain in the Grand Tetons, and was killed. On top of her intense grief and sorrow Chelsea worried about the optics. "Now everyone would know for sure our family was broken because now our family really WAS broken. We were already skating on thin ice because my parents were known to be less than traditional and a little bit too lackadaisical.....and now we had a dead brother because my parents let their son go hiking in the Grand Tetons and he had never hiked a mountain like that before. They were unfit, and now there was proof."


Young Chelsea Handler

Chelsea was bereft, and part of her continued to wait for Chet to return because he had promised he would. Moreover, the members of Chelsea's family withdrew into themselves, and she received no counseling or therapy. Thus, Chelsea's despair was locked up for decades, and deepened by her mother's illness.


Chelsea Handler and her mother Rita

Chelsea's mom Rita had several bouts with cancer. During Rita's final illness, when Chelsea was about 30, her dad Melvin was useless. Melvin just mooned around the hospital and went out to get himself food. Meanwhile, Chelsea raised hell about her mother being in a hospital room with a smoker, and harassed the nurses for more pain meds for her mom. In accordance with her type 8 personality, Chelsea stepped up, as she ALWAYS did as an adult.

Chelsea observes, "There are things you can do for other people that you could never do for yourself. Whenever I have trouble standing up for myself.....and yes it has happened.....I think about whether I would tolerate the situation if it were happening to one of my sisters, mother, daughter, or niece. If it's not acceptable for them, it's not acceptable for me."

Sadly, Chelsea's mother succumbed to the disease, adding to the comic's distress. Chelsea's therapy helped her work through the emotional impasse caused by her brother and mother's deaths.

During her analysis with Dan, Chelsea also learned that - though she was good at sympathy - she lacked empathy. Chelsea couldn't understand the feelings of others, and had to work with Dan to overcome this flaw. In the end, Chelsea made a documentary about white privilege; began to respect other people's feelings; came to comprehend other peoples' limits and boundaries; learned more about the ubiquity of sexual harassment; and so on.

On the lighter side, Chelsea talks about her cherished pets, an assortment of chow mix rescue pooches."Loving a dog makes you a kinder and fuller person" Chelsea says. Her 'first born' was Chunk, a regal hound who accompanied Chelsea to work and on her travels.


Chelsea Handler and Chunk

Then came Tammy, who'd survived more than one street fight and showed it. "Tammy had one dead ear, alopecia on her ass, a very scantily clad tail, and a gait that hinted she had sustained hip replacement surgery." Chelsea remarks, "I knew that with some maternal attention from my cleaning ladies and some serious nutrition I could turn that gait into a swagger."


Chelsea Handler and Tammy

Tammy (reluctantly) endured Chelsea's aggressive love for years until she went to doggie heaven. After Tammy's demise, Chelsea got two more chow mixes, a brother and sister called Bert and Bernice.


Chelsea Handler with Bert and Bernice

Tales about these two, especially Bert, are hilarious. Chelsea observes, "Burt has all the trappings I look for in a pet: long hair, weight management issues and laziness behind the eyes. Bert is slow on the uptake and is constantly confused by the same things he has done moments before. His memory is so short term that if I'm gone for a few hours, I have to re-introduce myself every time I come home. The dirty looks he throws my way when I try to gain re-entry into his world are so full of disdain that sometimes I don't even have the stomach for it."

Though Bert dismisses Chelsea's attempts at affection, he's smitten with Chelsea's Mexican housekeeper Mama and follows her everywhere. If Mama strolls away swinging her behind, Bert is right behind doing the same thing. Chelsea admits that, when Bert hides under the table, she tricks him into coming out by using a Mexican accent. To add insult to injury, Bert's sister Bernice plays dead when Chelsea approaches.

When Bert had to go on veterinarian-ordered diet, Chelsea came home after being away for five days and found Bert and Mama strutting around the house, both wearing ankle weights - two for Mama and four for Bert. Chelsea laments, "Bert and Mama had started their very own weight loss challenge and guess who didn't get the group text."

In another dog story, Chelsea writes about giving Chunk human sedatives during a plane trip, a mistake that resulted in one calamity after another. (It's a wonder the duo were ever allowed on an aircraft again. 😊 )


Chelsea Handler and Chunk on a plane

In other vignettes, Chelsea talks about her technological ignorance; her attraction to hunky Robert Mueller; a journey to Peru to take the hallucinogenic drug ayahuasca; the (inadvertently amusing) problems associated with burying her Mormon mother in a Jewish cemetery; her father's bypass surgery; her father's death; her marijuana expertise; and more.


Chelsea Handler with her father Melvin

Chelsea winds up by detailing 'The year I became me.' In the end, Chelsea put her money where her mouth is, gave up her Netflix show, and went out to get more women elected.


Chelsea Handler announced she was leaving her Netflix show



The book is worth reading, both to learn about Chelsea's healing journey, and to her enjoy her wit and humor.

Rating: 4 stars