This comic thriller has an introduction by Carl Hiaasen, whose novels are among the funniest around.
*****
When thieves sneak into the Los Angeles home of Leroy 'Chinese' Gordon - who heads a criminal gang - you'd think Chinese would pull a gun. But Chinese has another idea. Quietly watching the burglars from the second floor of his house, Chinese abruptly scoops up his cat, Dr. Henry Metzger, and drops him onto the perps' heads. The cat claws the thieves, who flee - which is all well and good. However, Dr. Henry Metzger - resentful of being used in this fashion - seeks out Chinese's overalls....and pees and poops on them. 😊💕
Dr. Henry Metzger is the most amusing member of the gangleader's entourage, which includes Chinese's beautiful girlfriend Margaret and his band of felonious cohorts.
Chinese, who's handy with armaments, has built a large portable cannon for his gang to use during bank heists. The crooks plan to blow out the walls of bank buildings and nab the cash inside.
Chinese asks a Mexican drug dealer, Grijalvas, If he'll launder the money, and Grijalvas proposes a quid pro quo: He'll help the gang if they'll first steal a stockpile of cocaine from the University of Los Angeles (ULA) - where it's being used for medical research.
Chinese and his cronies pull off the cocaine heist and - almost on a whim - Chinese also swipes a box of papers from the office of ULA Professor Ian Donahue.
Before the gang is done for the night they come across a huge, vicious guard dog, and - because one gang member has a soft spot for canines - bring it home with them. Chinese is certain the dog would as soon kill him as look at him and plans to put it down. However, Dr. Henry Metzger (the cat) steps in. The feline has a hypnotic effect on the giant dog, who 'listens to him.' Thus the book's title, "Metzger's Dog."
With respect to the papers stolen from ULA, it turns out that Professor Donahue is a CIA operative, and the documents describe psychological warfare operations meant to create panic in certain Latin American countries. Worse yet, the papers reveal the identities of undercover CIA agents.
When Donahue's bosses at the CIA learn of the theft they think 'terrorists' have the papers and become very alarmed - concerned the files will be sold to a foreign nation. Hence the CIA is determined to retrieve the papers by any means necessary.
Meanwhile, Chinese realizes the documents are valuable and decides he'll ransom them to the CIA for 10 million dollars. This starts an elaborate cat and mouse game where the bandits try to exchange the stolen documents for money, and the CIA tries to catch the 'terrorist' thieves.
Chinese realizes the CIA is not acting in good faith and takes drastic measures to force their hand. This is where the story goes over the top. The crooks' shenanigans become SO complicated that each scheme feels like a 'Rube Goldberg' operation - "intentionally designed to perform a simple task in an indirect and overcomplicated fashion."
The gang's machinations are meant to be hilarious, but the hijinks get old fast.....and result in a lot of violent death.
Parts of the book are indeed fun, like Dr. Henry Metzger's influence over the dog, and the cat's ability to enter and leave Chinese's 'secure' house - which is supposedly locked down tight - at will.
The book also has some entertaining human characters, including Chinese's criminal colleagues and the less-than-competent CIA authorities, but overall I found it a bit overwrought. Still, readers looking for a 'light thriller' might enjoy it.
Rube Goldberg Machine
Rating: 3 stars
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