Author Ben Philippe
Ben Philippe was born in Haiti, grew up in Canada, and - after graduating from Columbia University in New York and the Michener Center for Writers in Austin - settled in the Big Apple. Ben is the author of the young adult novels Field Guide to the North American Teenager and Charming as a Verb, and also pens screenplays and television pilots.
Ben Philippe at a book signing.
In this memoir Ben writes about his life, his parents, and what it's like to be black in a white society. Ben's essays are funny, earnest, honest, angry, and occasionally cringeworthy as Ben seeks 'experiences' for 'a story.'
It's kind of a cliché that liberal white people claim to have a black best friend, and in modern society, it just might be true. For white folks who aspire to have a black bestie, Ben cautions NOT to say or ask:
Can I touch your hair?
I don't care what color you are; it's all the same to me.
I just really don't think about race.
So what, I just can't say the n-word, even if I don't use it as a slur?
Are black guys really bigger down there?
Ben learned these caveats in Western society, after spending his young boyhood in Haiti. On the Caribbean island, Ben was born to Belsy - a trained nurse; and Robert - a multilingual scholar who worked for the Ministry of Education.
Everyday life in Haiti
When Ben was six, his family moved to the city of Sherbrooke in Quebec, Canada for better opportunities.
Ben's family moved to the city of Sherbrooke in Quebec
Ben spoke Creole at home, French in school, and learned English largely on his own. Much of Ben's English prowess was picked up from television shows, and he can tell you anything you'd want to know about programs like Gilmore Girls; Gossip Girl; 90210; The West Wing; Frazier; and many others. Ben also seems quite au courant with programs like The Real Housewives of Potomac, The Real Housewives of Atlanta, and more. (Ben would probably be SO FUN to hang out with.)
Ben knows everything about Gossip Girl and other television shows
Ben's young life in Canada was not entirely peaceful because his father was a violent man who shouted at his wife and occasionally belted his son. Ben imagines the white neighbors resented the loud foreign blacks next door and that native Canadians kept an eye on the rowdy immigrant men.
Ben's father Robert - a philanderer with numerous wives, girlfriends, and children - came and went, and finally abandoned Ben and his mom completely. Ben MUCH preferred his father to be gone, but is chagrinned that "black communities, especially in America, are often put on trial for the literal sins of their fathers." Ben points out that black families without permanent dads might still benefit from black men who parent by way of cohabitation, visitation, and mentorship.
Though there were few black children in any of Ben's classes, he didn't begin to experience real racism until middle school, when black kids were divided into three groups: the thugs, the oreos, and the immigrants.
Ben was dubbed an oreo, and explains he didn't fit in with the black crowd who wore dreads, hoop earrings, and were part of the hip-hop culture.
Hip-Hop Kids
Ben was the corny oreo with good grades who went directly home after school and was more familiar with Celine Dion than Kanye and Fitty. In fact Ben had a series of white best friends in school, with whom he hung out, traded lunches, obsessed over Dragon Ball Z, etc.
Ben was kind of a nerd
Ben decided to relocate to the United States for college, where he could live as 'A BLACK GUY' instead of 'THE BLACK GUY', and he says the difference is a canyon. In Columbia's larger black ecosystem, Ben met black jocks, artists, Republicans, men, women.....and also douchebags who happened to be black.
Columbia University has a diverse black community
Ben tells lots of stories about his college years, like the time he hired a ringer to pass Columbia's swim test; the time he lost 30 pounds to lose his man-boobs and be more attractive to girls; the time he slept with a white girl who played out a 'being raped by a black guy' fantasy; and more.
Ben also writes about Black Girl Magic, and mentions some of his best black female friends and the many black women he's met over the years - friends, neighbors, cousins, fellow authors, even co-workers - whom he views as 'sisters.'
After college, Ben earned an MFA from the Michener Center For Writers in Austin, Texas - a liberal haven in a conservative state. Here Ben had at least one icky experience with a girl when he was in pursuit of 'a story.' Ben graduated from Michener with nine rejections from book publishers, but later became a successful author, using his life as inspiration for his YA novels.
Michener Center For Writers
Much of the book is light-hearted and fun, and - in a podcast interview - Ben mentions this was his original intention. However things like white privilege, the history of slavery, racism, the Karens, and President Trump calling Haiti a shithole country (among other things) made Ben angry.
Moreover, the murders of Ahmaud Arbery, Breonna Taylor, George Floyd, and Trayvon Martin REALLY infuriated Ben. Thus, in the latter essays, Ben rants against white nationalists, racists, Trump, MAGA people, and so on. Ben's is one more voice lambasting an unjust system.
In case you get the opportunity to make Ben one of your best friends, here are some things he wants you to know:
He can be difficult and occasionally mean.
He can be overly sensitive and petty.
He tests people to see if white friends are secretly racist.
He leans toward coward.
He resists peer pressure.
He's a college professor and working writer with an unearned sense of superiority and very thin skin when it comes to criticism.
He isn't spiritual, superstitious, or religious.
Your text asking for weed will be ignored.
So there you have it. The book's title led me to expect a different narrative, but I enjoyed the book and highly recommend it.
You can find an interview with Ben Philippe on The Gray Area Podcast on YouTube.
Ben Philippe being interviewed by Gary Gray
Rating: 4 stars
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