Wednesday, December 11, 2024

Review of "Bark to the Future: A Chet and Bernie Mystery" by Spencer Quinn



In this 13th book in the 'Chet and Bernie' series, the detective team tries to track down Bernie's old high school teammate. The novel can be read as a standalone, but why miss the fun? Start with the first book and go on from there.

*****

In the Chet and Bernie stories, Bernie Little and his hundred-plus pound dog Chet are partners in the Little Detective Agency in Arizona.



Bernie is a West Point graduate, good at his job, and Chet is his invaluable partner, always ready to clamp his jaw on perps and drag them off by the pants. Bernie is also the divorced father of 7-year-old Charlie, who's thrilled to have a detective for a dad.



The books are narrated by Chet, whose somewhat limited vocabulary, unfamiliarity with idioms, and doggie logic set the stage for plenty of smiles.



As the story opens, Bernie and Chet have just acquired their umpteenth 'new' (refurbished) Porsche, to replace the last one that got destroyed.



The duo take the Porsche for a spin, and come across a homeless beggar at an intersection. Bernie tries to give the fellow a few bucks, but the vagrant says, 'I can't take your money Bernie.'



It turns out the vagrant is Rocket Saluka, Bernie's teammate from his high school baseball team. Bernie was the pitcher, and outfielder Rocket recalls the time he saved Bernie's skin: "You were on the mound and don't deny it. Two outs, bottom of the ninth, bases loaded, up one zip, and some dude hits a scorcher in the gap and who runs it down?" Rocket indicates himself. "Game over. Took us to the state [championship]."





Bernie acknowledges Rocket's miracle catch, and Bernie and Chet take Rocket to a hamburger place. After eating, Rocket shows off an old switchblade knife decorated with a green-eyed skull, calling it his MVP (most valuable possession). Rocket also mentions having a 'lovebird' after high school, who's no longer around.



The next day, Bernie and Chet look for Rocket again, planning to offer more assistance. Rocket isn't at his intersection, and the detectives learn the vagrant lives in a homeless camp behind a church.



The tent city is overseen by a priest called Doug Plumtree, who's very sympathetic to the homeless community. It turns out Rocket has vacated his tent and disappeared, but Chet digs up Rocket's MVP knife from under the tent.



Father Raintree won't divulge any information about Rocket, so Bernie and Chet decide to search for the vagrant themselves. The detectives use the switchblade as a clue, and the knife leads back to Bernie's high school days. At that time, the knife belonged to Mr. Keplar, the Advanced Placement Chemistry teacher.



Mr. Keplar claims he brought the knife to class one day, and one of the AP students stole it. Bernie and Chet get a list of the pupils (which doesn't include Rocket) and interview the (former) students one by one. This leads to amusing revelations about teenage Bernie, a star athlete who was awkward with girls.

Meanwhile, Father Plumtree vanishes; murders occur; there's an attempt on Bernie's life; and additional skullduggery happens. It's obvious there's more going on here than a purloined knife, and Bernie and Chet are on the case!

This leads to hikes in the local mountains and canyons; plunges into alpine lakes; danger from flash floods; and a man whose breath smells like minty mouthwash.



Chet's narration of the case is filled with his usual misunderstandings and comical observations. For instance, when Bernie accidently creates a situation and is advised to 'eat crow', Chet is flummoxed. He observes, "All I could think about were crows. I'd never seen Bernie eat one and hoped I never would. Chickens, like crows, are birds, unless I'm way off on this, and I'd often seen Bernie eating chicken. But there's a big difference between chickens and crows, which you must know if you've ever gazed into the eyes of a crow. Something's going on in there, big time. You don't see that in chicken eyes."



On a personal note, Bernie's relationship with police officer Weatherly Wauneka is warming up, and Chet is still trying to one-up Weatherly's dog Trixie: Chet tries to hold his tail higher; run faster; get petted more; etc. Chet is annoyed when Trixie finds and eats his hidden Slim Jim.....but in fact, there's always more where that came from.



For me, the plot of this story is too contrived, but I still liked the book. Recommended to mystery lovers and Chet and Bernie fans.

 Rating: 3.5 stars

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