Movies and television programs about emergency ambulance services are popular, as evidenced by the success of the film 'Mother, Jugs, and Speed', and TV shows like 'Emergency' and 'Ambulance.' People are inherently curious about accidents, calamities, and medical emergencies, and "Bad Call" - which details the experiences of a young ambulance worker - is a real-life peek behind the scenes.
In 1967, Mike Scardino was an 18-year-old high school graduate who needed tuition for Vanderbilt University. Mike's dad - who ran a gas station/garage that serviced many ambulances from St. John's Queens Hospital in New York - wangled Mike a job with the ambulance service. The position paid well, and the boy worked there during summers and school breaks until he graduated college and joined the National Guard.
Mike Scardino
Mike either kept a journal or has an eidetic memory, because his work experiences are described in vivid and compelling detail. The book is structured as a series of ambulance calls, but Mike includes amusing anecdotes about his life, relatives, girlfriend, fellow employees, and more. Though Mike's stories hail from five decades ago - when the drinking age was 18 and there were no cell phones, texting, Twitter, etc. - most of his tales are not dated, and could well have occurred yesterday.
A 1960s Era Ambulance
Inside a 1960s Era Ambulance
It's a bit odd that Mike chose to become an ambulance worker since he had a "hair-trigger gag reflex" growing up. Young Mike got carsick all the time, couldn't eat pasta with tomato sauce (to the amusement of his Italian relatives), and was made ill by certain colors - like aqua-green. With a wonky gastric tract you'd think Mike would get sick when exposed to ambulance smells like decomposition, gangrene, and gastrointestinal bleeding, but he powered through - and could even endure visual triggers like carnage, blood, and gore.
Many of Mike's stories include tidbits about his partners, who changed all the time since Mike's schedule was erratic, and he filled in as needed. Some of Mike's more colorful co-workers were:
Fred - who hailed from the Deep South. Fred was as smart as a whip, skinny as a snake, mean as a mink, and looked like a turkey vulture. He was a good, knowledgable ambulance worker though, and Mike felt confident partnering with him.
Jose - who came from Peru. Jose was 5' 3" tall and had a strking Mesoamerican profile. He was barrel- chested, and - like many ambulance workers - extremely strong. Jose was also energetic, cheerful, and funny as hell....and being with him was like "being with an overcaffeinated clown."
Andy - who emigrated from England. Andy - a big baby-faced guy who was nicknamed Andy Panda - was one of Mike's favorite partners. Andy never graduated from college, but he was smart and well-read and knew his stuff around emergencies. Though he was only 19, Andy seemed old and wise.
Pete - who was Mike's boss. Pete was short and squat with the personality of a perpetually agitated crab. He was always angry, and he bullied his employees. Pete liked to torment his partners, especially the young ones, and - when a call came in - would always tell Mike, "Come on kid, let's go. This is probably gonna be the worst thing you've ever seen."
Big Al - who weighed over 300 pounds. Big Al had coke bottle glasses, and always kept a cigar stub in the corner of his mouth. Al's good sense of humor and claims of being connected gave him a 'Merry Mafioso' vibe. Big Al also had a prodigious appetite, and could put away a dozen weenies from the Sabrett's hot dog stand near the ambulance station.
A Sabrett's Hot Dog Stand
Over the course of Mike's ambulance career, he faced a wide variety of situations. Among other things, Mike helped deliver a baby; transported patients who were 99% dead; encountered corpses that had almost completely decomposed; saw suicides who had shot or hung themselves; transported people who'd suffered heart attacks or strokes; aided homeless people who'd been thrown out by their relatives; saw kids who'd overdosed; came across mentally ill people who were physically violent (to him); helped carry morbidly obese patients down steep, narrow flights of stairs; saw beat-up women who refused to report their abusive partners; helped at the site of a plane crash; and much more.
Among Mike's many calls, a few were especially memorable, including the following five.
- The Rule of Nines.
A call came in reporting 'an officer down in Maspeth.' An officer down call was always a rush, so the ambulance workers raced over and found a cop sitting in front of a charcoal grill. The patient was alert enough to describe what had happened: He was squirting charcoal lighter on the hot coals, and the can of lighter fluid blew up, dousing his legs in burning fluid. The cop didn't look too bad, and his legs weren't bloody, but instead were alabaster white.
The patient's injuries were assessed by the rule of nines. This refers to the fact that a burn victim's condition is assessed in units of 9%. The front of each leg is 9%, and the officer had the front of both legs badly burned, so he had third degree burns on 18% of his body. (A third degree burn is the most serious type of burn.) Eighteen percent may not sound too bad, but the officer died. The moral is, don't squirt lighter fluid on a hot grill.
- Jesus Speaks.
A call came in as "a female psycho in Jackson Heights." The 'psycho' was a little old Italian lady whose apartment looked like the gift shop at the Vatican, filled with Blessed Mothers, Jesus figurines, and statues of saints and angels.
The patient spoke English, but had a heavy accent. The daughter had called the ambulance because her mom wouldn't take her pills, wasn't acting right, and needed to see a doctor. The ambulance workers were very solicitious with the little old lady.
Ambulance worker: "Dear, it will be okay. We'll just drive you down the street to Elmhurst hospital and you'll see the doctor."
Little Old Lady: "I no ride in ambulance."
Cop at scene: "Dear, you need to come along with these nice men and you don't want to make a fuss for your neighbors to see, do you?
Little Old Lady: "They no gonna see me go in no ambulance."
Eventually, with much persuasion, the woman is escorted into the ambulance. On the way to the hospital, Mike is getting her information - full name, date of birth, etc. - when the little old lady speaks out in a firm, loud, monotone:
"I AM THE VOICE OF JESUS CHRIST
LET GO A THIS WOMAN RIGHT NOW
SHE AIN'T GOT NOTHING WRONG WITH HER
LET GO THIS WOMAN RIGHT NOW."
Mike interrupts to ask a question.
"I AM THE VOICE OF JESUS CHRIST
DO NOT INTERRUPT."
The ambulance passed under an elevated train.
"I AM THE VOICE OF JESUS CHRIST
IF YOU DO NOT LET THIS WOMAN OUT I GONNA MAKE THESE TRACKS FALL DOWN AND KILL ALL A YOU."
The ambulance emerged from under the elevated tracks safe and sound.... and neither the patient nor Jesus had any more to say.
- All It Takes.
A call came in: Man down. Motorcycle. When the ambulance arrived at the scene, there were two big men with Harleys, one sitting on the ground. The injured guy on the ground was Hank, who explained what happened: "We came up to this stop and I bumped Frank's bike from behind. I couldn't have been going more than 2 or 3 miles per hour.....it was just a tap. It doesn't even hurt that much but I think I may have busted my ankle. I don't think I should walk on it."
Mike figured he should take a peek at the ankle, in case it needed a splint before the patient was moved. When Mike picked up Hank's pants, his foot fell off. Not completely off. It was hanging on by the thinnest pedicle (narrow strip) and was essentially amputated. There was almost no blood, Hank had almost no pain, and he had no idea what had happened.
Mike put on a splint and left it to the doctor in the ER to tell Hank the bad news.
- Erosion.
A call came in labeled DIB (difficulty in breathing) from the roommate of a sick man. When the ambulance workers entered the patient's residence the stench was overwhelming - repulsively foul. The sick man was an unremarkable-looking guy, conscious and alert....the fellow next door. However, the patient's legs were covered in maggots from his groin to his feet....probably related to tissue death from diabetes.
Mike speculated that the man would probably lose both legs immediately, and it would be touch and go to keep the tissue death from spreading up through the rest of his body. Mike's question was: "How the hell can sombody sit on his ass for what must have been a pretty long period of time and let this happen to his body, without getting help. And how could the roommate stand the smell and not call for help before this."
- Two prisoners.
A call came in: Man down at LaGuardia. Possible overdose. When the ambulance arrived, there was a man on a stretcher, out cold. Before the man was wheeled out to the ambulance, a cop handcuffed him to the stretcher, both hands to the side rails. The man was a dealer who'd been sampling his own product. The cop was the designated officer who would go along in the ambulance, to escort the dealer to the hospital.
In the ambulance, the cop looked at Mike with an icy stare, and started to undress the patient....to Mike's astonishment. The officer pulled something out of the dealer's underwear, which turned out to be long, thick, flexible money belt....presumably filled with cash. Lots and lots of cash.
Mike was nervous and scared. He was a witness, and the cop was a crook.....committing a major felony. The cop slipped 'a tip' into Mike's hand....presumably to shut him up. It turned out the tip was only a lousy twenty bucks - for which Mike experienced "intolerable personal stress and laid his integrity on the line (under duress)."
Mike's parents wanted him to be a doctor, but his college drinking, poor study habits, bad grades, and unpleasant ambulance experiences put the kibosh on that idea....and Mike eventually went into advertising. Still, Mike's ambulance adventures gave him a treasure trove of material to write about, and I enjoyed the stories in this book.
I'd highly recommend the book to readers interested in the subject matter.
Thank you to Little, Brown and Company for a copy of the book.
Rating: 4 stars
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