Review of "A Fistful of Collars: A Chet and Bernie Mystery" by Spencer Quinn

In this 5th book in the 'Chet and Bernie' series, the detective team keeps an eye on a Hollywood star during a movie shoot. The book can be read as a standalone.

*****

In the Chet and Bernie stories, Bernie Little and his hundred-plus pound dog Chet run the Little Detective Agency in Arizona.



The books are narrated by Chet, whose somewhat limited vocabulary, unfamiliarity with idioms, doggie logic, and tendency to get distracted set the stage for plenty of smiles.



Bernie is a West Point graduate, war veteran, former police lieutenant, and talented private detective. Chet is Bernie's invaluable partner, always ready to clamp his jaw on perps and drag them off by the pants.

Chet and Bernie live and work in an area called the Valley, which Chet describes as follows: "Ah, the Valley. No place like it. The Valley goes on forever in all directions, and those smells! You haven’t smelled till you’ve smelled the Valley. Hot rubber, hot pavement, hot sauce, hot charcoal ash, hot everything! Yes, even hot ice cream. Plus all kinds of grease—deep-fry grease, pizza grease, burrito grease, unwashed human skin grease, and human hair grease—not to mention the grease on my tail at this very moment. Where had that come from? I tried to remember, but not hard."



In any case, a Hollywood western starring Thad Perry is currently being filmed in the Valley, and the production company, along with Thad's bodyguard, girlfriend, and various hangers on are in town.





The local mayor lobbied hard to attract the movie production company, in hopes of attracting more Tinseltown business to the region.



Thad is handsome and a fine actor, but he has a tendency to get drunk and use cocaine. So the mayor hires the Little Detective Agency to monitor the celebrity, to keep him out of trouble and make sure he shows up for his scenes.



Meanwhile, Bernie's journalist girlfirend Suzie Sanchez is moving to Washington DC for a better job, which will necessitate a long-distance romance. Prior to leaving town, Suzie mentions hearing that movie star Thad Perry, a long-time resident of Los Angeles, spent some time in the Valley years ago.



Before long, people who know about Thad's connection to the Valley are being murdered, and Bernie and Chad investigate their deaths. The duo keep coming up on brick walls, though, since no one will admit knowing Thad visited the Valley.....ever.



Bernie and Chet keep looking though, and mysterious deliveries of envelopes filled with cash; a dead body in a dumpster; a squatter in the old flower show venue; a bartender; and more eventually point the investigators in the right direction.



There's plenty of humor in the story, starting with Bernie's purchase of a new (used) Porsche, since Bernie's cars seem to constantly burn up; go over cliffs; and crash. This time Bernie's car dealer Nixon paints palm trees on the second-hand Porsche, to match Bernie's Hawaiian shirt.



It's also fun to hear Chet talk about various perps he and Bernie put away, and how they're wearing orange jumpsuits now. For instance, when Suzie mentions 'The Big Bear' case she wrote about, Chet recalls: "Whoa. Big Bear Wilderness Camp? The sheriff? Those deputies? That judge? The mama bear? All of them breaking rocks in the hot sun by now, or very soon. Except for that mama bear, of course. Let’s not get started on her."



And of course, Chet chows down on plenty of treats and Slim Jims, which people seem to keep on hand for thier favorite canine.



This is a fun cozy mystery, good for a few smiles.

I listened to the audiobook, narrated by Jim Frangione, who does a very good job.

Rating: 3 stars

Review of "The Gathering: A Novel of Suspense" by C.J. Tudor

This story, about vampyrs (aka vampires) vs. humans, has the vibe of a 19th century novel, but is set in modern times.

Vampyrs, who have been declared a protected species in the United States, reside in small colonies in remote areas. By now, most vampyrs live on animal blood and don't bother humans.





However, IF a vampyr colony proves dangerous to people, a cull may be authorized by the government. This can only happen after the danger is assessed by a detective from the Forensic Vampyr Anthropology Department (FVAD).



In any case, vampyrs have very restricted lives, since they're not permitted to go to regular schools or to get jobs. As one vampyr leader observes, "They had so many years to live and yet so little of substance to fill their long lives."



Thus vampyrs resent humans and most humans hate and fear vampyrs.

*****

As the book opens, Detective Barbara Atkins from the FVAD is on her way to Deadhart, Alaska, a small town close to a vampyr habitat called the Colony.



Atkins is being sent to investigate the murder of a 15-year-old human boy named Marcus Anderson, whose blood has been drained and whose ravaged throat is a mess of torn skin and gristle.



Marcus's death, which looks like a vampyr killing, is reminiscent of an incident that occurred in Deadhart 25 years ago. At that time, the murder of a boy called Todd Danes was blamed on a vampyr, and a cull was authorized.



Long after the cull - about a year ago - a group of vampyrs returned to the area, and now lives in the Colony.

When Detective Atkins arrives in Deadhart, she meets Mayor Rita and Police Chief Pete Nicholls, who jokingly call her the 'Fang Doc.'





The mayor and police chief - as well as most other Deadhart residents - seem to expect Atkins to just 'check the boxes' and authorize wiping out the Colony. However, after examining the evidence, Atkins isn't so sure a vampyr killed Marcus.



As things play out, Atkins investigate's Marcus's murder with the help of Police Chief Nicholls and former Police Chief Jensen Tucker. Tucker is the cop who looked into the Danes killing a quarter century ago.....which led to wiping out the local vampyrs. Tucker was injured at the time and is reluctant to get back in the saddle. Nevertheless, due to unexpected circumstances, Tucker agrees to lend a hand.



Atkins and her collaborators examine the crime scene and interview the boys who hung out with Marcus on the night he was killed.





The investigators also speak to the boys' parents;



interview the town's doctor;



talk to the boys' high school teacher;



interview the anti-vampyr pastor; and more.



The detectives also speak to vampyrs from the Colony, who insist on their innocence.



Meanwhile, more deaths occur, and the townsfolk become more and more fearful and agitated, even threatening to take justice into their own hands.

Scenes from Deadhart are interspersed with chapters about a girl who's imprisoned in a basement by a captor, allegedly for the girl's own good. I'll admit I had a hard time guessing who this girl is.



I've enjoyed all the books I've read by author C.J. Tudor, who seems to specialize in spooky supernatural themes. I like this novel as well, and recommend it to fans of chilling suspense literature.

As an aside, I want to say I would deplore this kind of bigotry against vampyrs, not letting them get an education or get jobs. What kind of life it that? If vampyrs were really living amongst us, there should be anti-discrimination laws. A constitutional amendment for women's rights and vampyr rights seems appropirate. 😀

Thanks to Negtgalley, C.J. Tudor, and Random House Publishing Group for a copy of the book.

Rating: 4 stars

Review of "The Valedictorian of Being Dead: The True Story of Dying Ten Times to Live" by Heather B. Armstrong

Heather B. Armstrong

Heather B. Armstrong is a popular 'mommy blogger' who uses her website 'Dooce' to share posts about her family, personal life, pop culture, music, commercial products, and so on. Over the years Heather also wrote about her struggle with depression, which became more serious over time. By 2016 Heather had been suffering from an eighteen-month-long bout of a depression so deep that she wanted to be dead. Heather would wear the same yoga pants, sports bra, and T-shirt for days in a row, with her unshowered body topped by dirty hair. Feeling her normally trim body was out of shape, Heather writes: "I slept in my yoga pants because I didn't want to have to change my pants and see my alien body."

At the time Heather fell into the abyss, she'd been living in Salt Lake City, Utah for most of her life and was raising her two daughters Leta (13) and Marlo (7) alone. 


Heather B. Armstrong with her daughters


Heather's daughters, Leta and Marlo

Heather's ex-husband Jon had moved to New York, and she was desperate to keep her depressive condition from him, fearing he'd demand custody of the children. Instead Heather would hide in a closet and call her mother, who lived nearby. Hoping the children couldn't hear, Heath would let loose, sometimes "making noises like a pig makes in a barn fire" and sometimes moaning "I don't want to be alive." 



Heather could hardly bring herself to do laundry or unload the dishwater; got anxious when her boss emailed or called, knowing he'd want something completed; and was amazed that she could perform her 'mommy' job from day to day, which she describes as: "Make sure the girls have eaten; make sure they're showered and dressed; make sure they have their homework; is Marlo wearing socks? make sure to let the dog back in; make sure we have Cheerios for the next two breakfasts; make sure Leta has taken a pill for her allergies; make sure Leta has asked her friend for a ride to school tomorrow, since the other carpool just cancelled......and so on. Morning after morning after morning. And then again. And then again." Heather felt like she was barely hanging on. 



Heather's psychiatrist, Dr. Lowry Bushnell, had prescribed many medications over the years, but her illness had become resistant to drugs - and pharmaceuticals no longer helped. When Heather visited Dr. Bushnell after a nine-month lapse, he looked at her and said "You don't have to tell me [how you feel]. It's all over your face. It has stolen your eyes." The psychiatrist then suggested that Heather participate in an experimental study with Dr. Brian Mickey, who was investigating the use of Propofol (the anesthetic that killed Michael Jackson) to treat depression.


Propofol

With this treatment, the patient is put to sleep - that is put into a REALLY DEEP INDUCED COMA (simulating brain death) - about three times a week for ten sessions. The purpose is to find out if "burst suppression" - quieting the brain's electrical activity - can alleviate the symptoms of depression.....sort of like rebooting a computer. Heather agreed to the Propofol regimen and this book describes each of her ten treatments, interspersed with anecdotes about herself, her children, her parents, her job, and more. 

Heather's mother and stepfather stepped up to accompany her to each session, while her children - who didn't know exactly what was going on - quietly hoped for the best. Heather had to forego food and water prior to every therapy session, each of which went something like this: Heather arrives at the clinic; fills out a form assessing her level of depression; tells a nurse what drugs she's taking; has a 22-gauge needle inserted into her vein; lays down on a gurney; has sensors attached to her body; and passes out when a doctor starts the Propofol (plus other meds) drip. The medical team then inserts a breathing tube into Heather's throat, which is removed at the end of the session. When it's over, Heather is transported to a recovery room, where she wakes up confused and thirsty. A nurse then gives her apple juice and assesses her condition. When Heather demonstrates that she's compos mentis (knows her name and the year), she's allowed to go home with her folks. 

Heather's mother and stepfather watched every procedure from beginning to end, her mom keeping an eagle eye on everything and everyone, making sure Heather's eyes were taped shut and substances that constipated her were left out (to Heather's eternal embarrassment).🙂 

Heather notes that she started to feel better after treatment five.....and was on an upward trajectory from then on. 

In the course of Heather's story we learn that she comes from a family plagued by depression; she left the Mormon Church; her biological father has an anger problem and traumatized her as a child (I would have liked to know more about this); her mother is an angel who helps with laundry, meals, babysitting.....whatever's needed; her kids have a full roster of activities, including school, piano lessons, and sports; she helped a blind man run a marathon; she wouldn't mind having a nice boyfriend who has a job; and she's eternally grateful to the medical team that treated her, all of whom volunteered their time and were immensely caring and helpful. 



In an afterward, Dr. Brian Mickey, MD, PhD, writes that tens of millions of people around the world have treatment-resistant depression, and "this situation has inspired scientists like myself to search for new treatments." Dr. Mickey goes on to say "The study Heather participated in could be the beginning of something new. But the true benefits of Propofol for treatment-resistant depression remain unknown. Much work still needs to be done." 


Dr. Brian Mickey

So far Heather continues to do well. With luck, she'll be a long term success story. 



I found the story to be a bit repetitive (all those treatments) and would have liked to know more about Heather's upbringing. Nevertheless, the book is laudable for explaining a therapy that (eventually) might help a lot of people.

Thanks to Netgalley, the author (Heather B. Armstrong), and the publisher (Gallery Books) for a copy of the book.

Rating: 3.5 stars

Review of "Bird, Bath, & Beyond: An Agent to the Paws Mystery" by E.J. Copperman

In this second comical mystery in 'An Agent to the Paws' series, Kay Powell - the law school graduate/show business agent who represents talented animals - finds herself helping the police when a TV star is killed. The book can be read as a standalone.



*****

Kay Powell's small New York talent agency represents dogs, cats, birds, ferrets, horses, chimpanzees, snakes.....and if her office manager Consuelo has her way, a flounder who wants to be in "The Little Mermaid."


"I'm sick of being typecast as a rabbit."

As the story opens Kay is wrangling an Amazon parrot named Barney, whose owner is down with the flu. Kay is looking after Barney on the set of 'Dead City', a television series about zombie detectives who investigate crimes committed by anti-zombie racists.

Barney plays Babs, the parrot companion of medical examiner Dr. Banacek, played by handsome Dray Mattone. During Babs' scenes, the parrot is in a cage over Banacek's examination table, where the bird shrieks "Can't kill a zombie".....a catchphrase that has become very popular with the general public.


Amazon parrot

Barney is needed for extra scenes, so Kay leaves him in Dray Mattone's luxurious trailer while she attends a meeting about a dog. When Kay returns, Dray has been shot and killed, and Barney is the only witness. Kay is shocked by the crime, and is even more taken aback when Sergeant Joe Bostwick - the detective in charge of the case - quietly asks, "Can you get the bird to talk?....He heard what was said before the murder."



Kay explains that Barney can only repeats phrases he's been laboriously taught, when the bird seems to contradict her by crying "Put down the gun!", and later on, "A lot of people want you dead, Dray" and "Kill Les Mannix" (the executive producer). Kay can't explain this, and neither can Barney's owner.

Before long a suspect is arrested, who hires Kay as their lawyer. Kay knows nothing about criminal law so she partners with a REAL defense attorney and proceeds to investigate the crime.

Meanwhile, a lot more is happening in Kay's life. Her parents, Jay and Ellie Powell - who perform a variety act in casinos and on cruise ships - are visiting.....and 'helping' with the investigation;



news vans are parked outside Kay's house, anxious to report on Barney's knowledge of the crime;



Kay has three dogs - Eydie, Steve, and Bruno - who need petting and walking;



Kay is nurturing a friendship (and maybe more) with Sam Gibson, who owns the 'Cool Beans Coffee House';




Kay hobnobs with her friend Lorraine Toscadero, who bartends at 'L'Chaim' Kosher Bar and Grill; Kay is maneuvering to give her office manager/assistant, Consuelo, a cat client of her own; and more.

Kay's take on human actors, who she thinks are the most self-involved phonies in the world, is very funny - and along with Kay's other quips and observations, provide a lot of laughs.



I enjoyed the book and recommend it to fans of humorous cozies.

Thanks to Netgalley, E.J. Copperman, and Minotaur Books for a copy of the book.

Rating: 3.5 stars