Review of "The Best of Me" by David Sedaris

 

 

Author David Sedaris

Humorist David Sedaris put together some of his best previously published stories in this book. The author is almost always funny, but some of his anecdotes are melancholy and nostalgic. In addition to recounting humorous incidents in his life Sedaris writes about his sister's suicide; his mother's alcoholism; and his father's disapproval. The following are examples of his anecdotes.

*****

From a letter to President Clinton signed by voters in Michigan:

"The first thing you should do is put some stores on your so-called Washington Mall. My family and I visited last summer and were disappointed to find nothing but grass and statues. Since Washington is the capital of our country, shouldn't its mall be world-class?....Let's bring on the food court."


Washington Mall

*****

In a foreign language class conducted exclusively in French, the teacher asked a question about Easter. A Moroccan student asked "Excuse me, but what's an Easter?"

Realizing their Moroccan classmate was unfamiliar with Christianity, the students used their minimal knowledge of French to respond.

"It is a party for the little boy of God who call his self Jesus and then he die one day on two....morsels of ....lumber."

"He die one day and then he go above my head to live with your father."

"He weared of himself the long hair and after he die, the first day he come back here for to say hello to the peoples."

"Easter is a party for to eat of the lamb. One too may eat of the chocolate."

When the teacher asked who brings the chocolate, Sedaris replies, "The rabbit of Easter. He bring of the chocolate."

More incomprehensible conversation followed, and - confused and disgusted - the Moroccan student shrugged her shoulders and turned her attention back to the comic book she kept hidden under her binder.



*****

When Sedaris was small his family moved to North Carolina, where young David heard that a neighboring family, the Tomkeys, had no television. David went to school with two of the Tomkey children, and he sometimes tried to view the world through their eyes.

One day in class a boy named William began to write the wrong answer on the blackboard, and the teacher flailed her arms, saying "Warning, Will. Danger, danger." The class laughed, knowing that she was imitating the robot in the TV show Lost in Space. Sedaris observes, "The Tomkeys though, would have thought she was having a heart attack."



*****

Every summer the Sedaris family rented a vacation home on the North Carolina coast, where the houses had clever names like The Skinny Dipper, Lazy Daze, Loony Dunes, etc. The family was in the car one day when David's dad said he would BUY a summer house.



Excited about getting a vacation home, everyone threw out suggestions for names based on things they saw outside the car window. Thus a gas station inspired the name 'The Shell Station' (which isn't bad). Other ideas were The TV Antenna, The Telephone Pole, The Toothless Black Man Selling Shrimp From The Back Of His Van, The Cement Mixer, The Overturned Grocery Cart, The Cigarette Butt Thrown Out the Window, and so on.

As things turned out Dad reneged and didn't buy a house (though David himself eventually did).

*****

David was planning a visit to his sister Lisa in Winston Salem and phoned to finalize arrangements. Since Lisa would be at work when David arrived, she needed to tell him where she'd hide the door key. Lisa said, "I'm thinking I'll just leave the key under the hour ott near the ack toor."

David thought she had something in her mouth until he realized she was speaking in code. So David said, "Okay, but can you tell me WHICH hour ott?"

"It's ed", she said. "Well.....eddish."

When David arrived, he (luckily) found the key under the red flowerpot near the back door.



*****

Once, at a dinner party, David met a woman whose parrot had learned to imitate the automatic icemaker on her refrigerator. "That's what happens when they're left alone," the woman had said.

This was very depressing to David, who felt bad for the lonesome creature.

David repeated the story to his sister Lisa, who told him that neglect had nothing to do with it. Lisa then prepared a cappuccino, setting the stage for her parrot Henry's pitch perfect imitation of the milk steamer. "He can do the blender too, she said."



*****

Sedaris travels around the world to promote his books. and uses Pimsleur audio programs to learn phrases in the language of the destination country, such as Japan, China, France, etc.

Sedaris did this on a trip to Germany, with German audio programs. In one program, the teacher explains that German and English are closely related and thus have a lot in common. In one language the verb is 'to come', and in the other its 'kommen.' English 'to give' is Germen 'gebben.' America's 'That is good' is Germany's 'Das ist gut.'

Sedaris notes, "It's an excellent way to start and leaves the listener thinking, 'Hey Ich kann do dis.'



*****

Sedaris writes about his brother Paul, who has all but given up solid food, and at age forty-six eats much the way he did when he was nine months old. Everything goes into his Omega J8006 juicer - kale, carrots, celery, some kind of powder scraped off the knuckles of bees - and it all comes out dung-colored and the texture of applesauce.

David observes that Paul once juiced "What I think was a tennis ball mixed with beets and four-leaf clovers."



*****

When gay marriage became legal in the United States, Sedaris's accountant advised him it would be financially advantageous if David and his partner Hugh got married. Sedaris writes, "While I often dreamed of making a life with another man, I never extended the fantasy to marriage....The whole thing felt like a step down to me. From the dawn of time, the one irrefutably good thing about gay men and lesbians was that we didn't force people to sit through our weddings."



*****

Talking about his North Carolina vacation home, called the Sea Section, Sedaris observes that it's nothing much to look at. He goes on, "It might have been designed by a ten-year-old with a ruler, that's how basic it is: walls, roof, windows, deck. It's easy to imagine the architect putting down his crayon and shouting into the next room, 'I'm done. Can I watch TV now'?"



*****

On a serious note, Sedaris notes that one of his favorite TV shows is Intervention, which makes him think of his mother - who was an alcoholic. He goes on, "It's a hard word to use for someone you love, and so my family avoided it. Rather, we'd whisper, among ourselves, that Mom 'had a problem', that she 'could stand to cut back.'

When sober, David's mother was sunny and likable, and when drunk, she was dark, belligerent, and - when other people were around - embarrassing. Still, the family never confronted her.


Young Amy and David Sedaris with their mother Sharon

*****

Sedaris's father was a difficult man who was particularly critical of David, frequently suggesting David would never amount to anything. Even after David became successful, his father couldn't acknowledge his accomplishments.

Finally, towards the end of his life, Sedaris's nonagenarian father told him, "You've accomplished so many fantastic things in your life. You're well....I want to tell you....you....you won."


Nonagenarian Lou Sedaris

*****

I'll wind up with a cute limerick:

Rags, the Shatwells' Irish setter,
doubles as a paper shredder.
His lunch was bills, and last year's taxes,
followed by a dozen faxes.



*****

There are many more funny anecdotes in the book, as well additional humorous limericks, amusing short stories, and a few wistful recollections. If you need a laugh, you can't go wrong with David Sedaris.

Rating: 4 stars

Review of "The End of Everything (Astrophysically Speaking) by Katie Mack

 

Katie Mack

Katie Mack, a theoretical astrophysicist and cosmologist, is an assistant professor at North Carolina State University and a member of the Leadership in Public Science Cluster. Mack studies the universe from its origin to its demise and - in this book - speculates about the cosmos' ultimate end, which is inevitable.



Though the universe isn't likely to terminate for many trillions of years, there are scenarios in which the end is mere seconds away. The evolution and demise of the cosmos is a fascinating subject, and Mack makes it even better with her wit and sense of humor.

Mack starts by providing a brief description of the creation of the universe and how it got to where it is now. In short, there was the Big Bang; a brief period of Cosmic Inflation (10⁻³⁴ seconds); the Quark Era, when subatomic particles formed; a period of cooling, during which the subatomic particles condensed into electrons, protons, and the like; and finally the formation of stars, galaxies, black holes, etc. The universe was expanding the entire time, and in fact the expansion is accelerating. But what goes up must come down (so to speak) and the universe will inevitably come to an end.



In this book Mack explores five possibilities for the termination of the universe. These are the Big Crunch, Heat Death, the Big Rip, Vacuum Decay, and the Bounce. Mack explains the physics of each scenario, and for the real nitty-gritty, illustrated by sketches and graphs, you'll have to read the book.

❃ The Big Crunch

The Big Bang starts the universe's expansion, and from that point onward the gravity of all the material in the universe (gases, galaxies, stars, black holes, etc.) works against the expansion, trying to slow it down and pull everything back together again. This could lead to a contracting universe that ends in a Big Crunch.



Mack describes the climax of the Big Crunch as follows: The collected radiation from stars and high-energy particle jets, when suddenly condensed to even higher energies by the collapse, will be so intense it will begin to ignite the surface of stars long before the stars themselves collide. Nuclear explosions tear through stellar atmospheres, ripping apart the stars and filling space with hot plasma. No celestial entities could possibly exist un-incinerated......and ultimately nothing will survive.



We don't need to get in a lather, though, because it will be at least tens of billions of years before a Big Crunch reversal could occur.

❃ Heat Death

A second possibility is that the expansion of the universe will counteract gravity, and the cosmos will continue to inflate indefinitely. In this scenario, SPACE ITSELF - in the form of dark energy - overcomes gravity and fuels the growth of the universe. (Dark energy is defined as a theoretical repulsive force that counteracts gravity and causes the universe to expand at an accelerating rate.)



If the cosmos continues to enlarge, every galaxy will ultimately be completely alone. The stars already shining will burn out, exploding as supernovae or, more often, sloughing off outer layers....gradually cooling for billions or trillions of years. Black holes will evaporate (via Hawking radiation), fade, and disappear. Ordinary matter, which makes up stars and planets, will suffer a similar fate. Eventually nothing will be left. This occurrence is termed 'Heat Death', a physics term that refers to the fact that entropy - which is ALWAYS INCREASING - causes progressive disorder.



Don't be too concerned, because we probably have 10¹⁰⁰⁰ years or so before Heat Death would occur.

❃ Big Rip

Dark Energy might also finish off the universe by tearing it apart. Physicists have determined that certain values for Dark Energy, IF THEY EXIST, will cause the space WITHIN structures - within atoms, molecules, planets, stars, human bodies, etc. - to expand, and everything will come apart. Molecules will crack open and structures will be torn apart, atom from atom, from within.



Don't sweat too much because no BIG RIP could be less than a hundred billion years off.

❃ Vacuum Decay

Vacuum Decay has to do with the Higgs Field, the theoretical field of energy that permeates the universe and imparts mass to the fundamental particles. The physical state we live in is called our 'Higgs vacuum', and the laws of physics in the Higgs vacuum allow us to exist. If the Higgs vacuum should suddenly acquire some other, more stable value (which apparently is theoretically possible), there would be different laws of physics, and everything we know would be destroyed.



Mack observes that for us, this would be so sudden that we'd never see it coming. She writes, "In fact, it's entirely possible that, as we sit here now, drinking our tea, vacuum decay has already occurred....Maybe it is, cosmically speaking, right next door, quietly approaching with relativistic stealth, destined to catch us unawares, between breaths."



On the upside, if this should happen, it won't hurt.

❃ The Bounce

The Bounce has to do with the possibility of other dimensions. We think of the universe as having three dimensions, east-west, north-south, up-down, with the added dimension of time to form space-time. We call our 3-dimensional universe a 3-D 'brane.' Physicists speculate there may be other branes, in other dimensions, that we can't access.

The idea of the Bounce is that our universe formed when two branes - both filled with hot dense plasma - collided. This would be the Big Bang, and our universe would go on to evolve as described above. (We don't know what's going on in the other brane(s).)

In the Bounce scenario, the collisions are cyclic, That is, the branes collide again and again. Each time, the collision destroys our universe and simultaneously sets off a Big Bang. This is also called an ekpyrotic universe, "caught in an eternal cycle of fiery birth, cooling and rebirth."



No one knows which, if any, of the above scenarios is most correct, and Mack observes that we still have a lot to learn. Right now, though, the most popular paradigm for the cosmos is called the Concordance Model. In this picture, the universe has four basic components - radiation, regular matter, dark matter, and dark energy - plus gravity. If physicists have their facts correct about all these things (which is by no means certain), we're headed for a Heat Death.

More research is required, and Mack observes, 'If we want to learn anything about the future of the cosmos, we'd better address the giant, invisible ever-expanding killer elephant in the room: dark energy. In a dark energy dominated future, one in which the cosmos gets progressively emptier, colder, and darker until all structure decays, we reach the ultimate Heat Death. But this is predicated on dark energy being an unchanging cosmological constant. If dark energy somehow changes over time, the implications for the cosmos are drastically different.'

Since (at the current time) it's almost impossible to learn anything about dark energy, physicists have their work cut out for them.

In Mack's epilog, she addresses what's probably most important to people, which is that - when the universe terminates - our legacy as a species just ends. Mack says, "At some point, in a cosmic sense, it will not have mattered that we ever lived." This is sad. Professor Hiranya Peiris, an astrophysicist, admits, "I give talks where I mention that [termination] is probably the fate of the universe, and people have cried."


Hiranya Peiris

I think we all feel a little bit like crying when we contemplate the end of the universe. 😥



Though one doesn't like to contemplate the end of everything (as we know it), this is a very interesting book, highly recommended.

Rating: 4 stars

Review of "Sure, I'll Be Your Black Friend: Notes From the Other Side of the Fist Bump" by Ben Philippe

 

Author Ben Philippe


Ben Philippe was born in Haiti, grew up in Canada, and - after graduating from Columbia University in New York and the Michener Center for Writers in Austin - settled in the Big Apple. Ben is the author of the young adult novels Field Guide to the North American Teenager and Charming as a Verb, and also pens screenplays and television pilots.


Ben Philippe at a book signing.

In this memoir Ben writes about his life, his parents, and what it's like to be black in a white society. Ben's essays are funny, earnest, honest, angry, and occasionally cringeworthy as Ben seeks 'experiences' for 'a story.'

It's kind of a cliché that liberal white people claim to have a black best friend, and in modern society, it just might be true. For white folks who aspire to have a black bestie, Ben cautions NOT to say or ask:

Can I touch your hair?
I don't care what color you are; it's all the same to me.
I just really don't think about race.
So what, I just can't say the n-word, even if I don't use it as a slur?
Are black guys really bigger down there?

Ben learned these caveats in Western society, after spending his young boyhood in Haiti. On the Caribbean island, Ben was born to Belsy - a trained nurse; and Robert - a multilingual scholar who worked for the Ministry of Education.


Everyday life in Haiti

When Ben was six, his family moved to the city of Sherbrooke in Quebec, Canada for better opportunities.


Ben's family moved to the city of Sherbrooke in Quebec

Ben spoke Creole at home, French in school, and learned English largely on his own. Much of Ben's English prowess was picked up from television shows, and he can tell you anything you'd want to know about programs like Gilmore Girls; Gossip Girl; 90210; The West Wing; Frazier; and many others. Ben also seems quite au courant with programs like The Real Housewives of Potomac, The Real Housewives of Atlanta, and more. (Ben would probably be SO FUN to hang out with.)


Ben knows everything about Gossip Girl and other television shows

Ben's young life in Canada was not entirely peaceful because his father was a violent man who shouted at his wife and occasionally belted his son. Ben imagines the white neighbors resented the loud foreign blacks next door and that native Canadians kept an eye on the rowdy immigrant men.



Ben's father Robert - a philanderer with numerous wives, girlfriends, and children - came and went, and finally abandoned Ben and his mom completely. Ben MUCH preferred his father to be gone, but is chagrinned that "black communities, especially in America, are often put on trial for the literal sins of their fathers." Ben points out that black families without permanent dads might still benefit from black men who parent by way of cohabitation, visitation, and mentorship.

Though there were few black children in any of Ben's classes, he didn't begin to experience real racism until middle school, when black kids were divided into three groups: the thugs, the oreos, and the immigrants.



Ben was dubbed an oreo, and explains he didn't fit in with the black crowd who wore dreads, hoop earrings, and were part of the hip-hop culture.



Hip-Hop Kids

Ben was the corny oreo with good grades who went directly home after school and was more familiar with Celine Dion than Kanye and Fitty. In fact Ben had a series of white best friends in school, with whom he hung out, traded lunches, obsessed over Dragon Ball Z, etc.


Ben was kind of a nerd

Ben decided to relocate to the United States for college, where he could live as 'A BLACK GUY' instead of 'THE BLACK GUY', and he says the difference is a canyon. In Columbia's larger black ecosystem, Ben met black jocks, artists, Republicans, men, women.....and also douchebags who happened to be black.


Columbia University has a diverse black community

Ben tells lots of stories about his college years, like the time he hired a ringer to pass Columbia's swim test; the time he lost 30 pounds to lose his man-boobs and be more attractive to girls; the time he slept with a white girl who played out a 'being raped by a black guy' fantasy; and more.

Ben also writes about Black Girl Magic, and mentions some of his best black female friends and the many black women he's met over the years - friends, neighbors, cousins, fellow authors, even co-workers - whom he views as 'sisters.'



After college, Ben earned an MFA from the Michener Center For Writers in Austin, Texas - a liberal haven in a conservative state. Here Ben had at least one icky experience with a girl when he was in pursuit of 'a story.' Ben graduated from Michener with nine rejections from book publishers, but later became a successful author, using his life as inspiration for his YA novels.


Michener Center For Writers

Much of the book is light-hearted and fun, and - in a podcast interview - Ben mentions this was his original intention. However things like white privilege, the history of slavery, racism, the Karens, and President Trump calling Haiti a shithole country (among other things) made Ben angry.



Moreover, the murders of Ahmaud Arbery, Breonna Taylor, George Floyd, and Trayvon Martin REALLY infuriated Ben. Thus, in the latter essays, Ben rants against white nationalists, racists, Trump, MAGA people, and so on. Ben's is one more voice lambasting an unjust system.

In case you get the opportunity to make Ben one of your best friends, here are some things he wants you to know:
He can be difficult and occasionally mean.
He can be overly sensitive and petty.
He tests people to see if white friends are secretly racist.
He leans toward coward.
He resists peer pressure.
He's a college professor and working writer with an unearned sense of superiority and very thin skin when it comes to criticism.
He isn't spiritual, superstitious, or religious.
Your text asking for weed will be ignored.  

So there you have it. The book's title led me to expect a different narrative, but I enjoyed the book and highly recommend it.

You can find an interview with Ben Philippe on The Gray Area Podcast on YouTube.


Ben Philippe being interviewed by Gary Gray

Rating: 4 stars

Review of "He Came In With It: A Portrait of Motherhood and Madness" by Miriam Feldman

Artist Miriam Feldman


In the 1980s Miriam Feldman and her husband Craig O'Rourke - both artists - were happy to purchase a craftsman-style home in the toney Larchmont Village neighborhood of Los Angeles. And they were thrilled when their son Nicholas was born soon afterwards. Nick was strong and adorable and "his future was as bright as the goddamn sun."


Miriam Feldman with baby Nick O'Rourke

Craig took Nick on fishing trips and to museums, and the boy would follow Craig to his work studio in the garage. Nick was artistic like his parents, and Miriam anticipated a great career for him.


Miriam Feldman with young Nick O'Rourke

When Nick's sisters Lucy and Rose came along, they adored their big brother, and Miriam - feeling blessed with her wonderful family - strove to be the best mother she could be.

By his teens, however, Nick started to exhibit troubling behavior. He would frequently destroy things around the house, steal his sisters' belongings, and lie about where he went and what he did. After a painful break-up with a girlfriend, Nick complained of terrible thoughts in his head, and Miriam once found him with bloody slashes on his wrists. Nick became a heavy marijuana user, and spent a lot of time alone and brooding.


A drawing by Nick O'Rourke


A self-portrait by teenage Nick O'Rourke

Miriam was in denial about Nick's problems, and made a second career out of cleaning up and covering up, to hide the extent of Nick's difficulties....even from family members. Miriam clung to the belief that Nick was showing typical teenage behavior, and refused to admit - even to herself - that something was very wrong with her son.


A painting by Nick O'Rourke

Miriam Feldman writes of this painting: "This is one of my favorite paintings of Nick’s. It shows the fragmented, non-linear side of human existence. I know that Nick sees the world is a different way and his paintings are a window into his mind."

Craig thought Nick was just being lazy and willful, and thought his son only needed a firm hand to set him on the right track.

When Nick's disruptive and destructive behavior escalated, his parents confined him to the house. Craig was adamant about grounding Nick, but Miriam gave in to the boy's pleas to have coffee with his girlfriend. The outing led to a vicious physical fight between Nick and his father, the police were called, and Miriam had the opportunity to have Nick held for a psychiatric evaluation. Instead, Miriam took Nick home, thinking that if she could just get him through high school and into college, all would be be well.


Nick O'Rourke

Miriam's obsession with her son had severe consequences for the entire family. Miriam and Craig owned a property in Washington state, which they were fixing up for their golden years. Miriam encouraged Craig to spend great swaths of time in Washington, thinking she'd have freedom to 'fix' Nick without his interference. And Craig left it largely to Miriam to raise the children.

Miriam writes of her husband, "Craig's own father had walked away from his infant son and teenage wife, leaving them to make their own life. Craig had cleaved to his own son with the urgency of the bereft. We all mused that they were like John and Sean Lennon. Once schizophrenia scooped Nick up, Craig stood paralyzed as his redemption disappeared in front of his eyes." The end result was that Craig sidestepped interactions with Nick, being unable to face the boy's illness.


Miriam Feldman and Craig O'Rourke

In retrospect, Craig's absence from the family seems like a bad idea. Lucy and Rose felt deserted by their father and overlooked by their mother, who had little time for them. Rose came to feel 'invisible', and her escalating anger eventually tore her from the family.

Nick lasted all of seven days in college, and psychiatrists diagnosed him with bipolar disorder before they realized he actually had schizophrenia - one of the most frightening of all mental illnesses.



Miriam relates Nick's tragic saga in the book, admitting Nick had to be banned from the house for fear of what he'd do. Miriam writes about finding Nick a place to live; taking him to doctors; bribing him to take his medication; making financial arrangements for his well being; calling the police when he acted out; finding programs and studies to enroll him in; etc. Miriam hoped against hope that Nick would get well, but Nick is now in his thirties and still mentally ill. Miriam says about herself, "I ran headlong, haunted and wild, after my son. I am running still."

Unfortunately, the family's medical difficulties weren't confined to Nick. Miriam had severe physical problems, and Craig and Lucy fell ill as well. Luckily, Miriam had a wonderful support network of neighbors, friends, and relatives, who helped her get through the dark days.


Miriam Feldman and some of her family members

It would be instructive to learn about Nick's illness from his point of view, but the disordered thoughts of severe schizophrenics make that impossible. However, Miriam did find notebooks from Nick's teen years, which contain jottings that foreshadow his descent into mental illness. It's clear that Nick was a talented intelligent boy whose mind became clouded by the chemical imbalance associated with schizophrenia.

Though Miriam's narrative is sad and disturbing, she infuses her anecdotes with humor, which makes a welcome respite from the gloom. Miriam's ongoing ordeal has made her an advocate for those who can't speak for themselves, and she's on the advisory board of Bring Change 2 Mind, is active in the leadership of the National Alliance for Mental Illness (NAMI), is a frequent guest on mental health podcasts, and uses social media to communicate with families dealing with mental illness.


Miriam Feldman

This book is recommended to people dealing with mentally ill individuals, and anyone else with an interest in the subject.

Thanks to Netgalley, the author (Miriam Feldman), and the publisher (Turner) for a copy of the book.

Rating:  4 stars