Saturday, August 15, 2026

Review of "An Inconvenient Widow: The Torment, Trial, and Triumph of Mary Todd Lincoln" by Lois Romano

 


Lois Romano is a national journalist who was an editor, political writer, and columnist for The Washington Post and Politico. In this book, Romano amends the maligned reputation of Mary Todd Lincoln, who was vilified during her life, and even more fiercely criticized afterwards.

Romano writes, "My purpose is not to excuse or whitewash Mary's behavior. Her actions were, at many times, egregious. She could be self-centered, dishonest, and tone deaf. But much of the criticism was one-sided and heartless, rarely taking note of her acts of kindness and generosity....By re-examining factual accounts and primary source documents through the lens of both modern medical science and contemporary standards for women, I have tried to piece together a more complete and compelling portrait...of a woman of uncommon tenacity in the face of extraordinary adversity, personal shortcomings, and torment...That she persevered in the face of overwhelming grief, poor physical and mental health, and public scorn was a testament to her mettle."


Mary Todd Lincoln

Mary Todd was born in Lexington, Kentucky in 1818. Her parents, Robert Todd and Eliza Parker Todd, belonged to prominent families that boasted military heroes, landowners, bankers, merchants, governors, doctors, ministers, and U.S. senators. Mary was 6-years-old when her mother died, and sixteen months later her father married Betsy Humphreys who "inherited six young children to raise....and gave birth to nine more children, eight of whom survived."

This was difficult for Mary, and Romano believes it contributed to Mary's future emotional problems. In any case, Mary had a fine education with a curriculum that combined "rigorous academics and French language immersion with tutoring in the refinements associated with social class, including acting and dance." Mary Todd Lincoln was one of the few first ladies in American history to have a more formal education than the sitting president.

Growing up in Lexington, Mary was confronted with the nation's most controversial issue: slavery. Mary's family owned slaves, and Lexington was home to one of the South's most notorious slave markets "where Negroes [were] flogged unmercifully." Mary's changing views on slavery were shaped by her upbringing, her exposure to brutal treatment of slaves, and her neighbor (and idol) Henry Clay's opposition to slavery.




Slave auction on Cheapside, Lexington


Henry Clay

When Mary was twenty-one she left Lexington and moved to Springfield, Illinois to live with her married sister Elizabeth. Having an interest in politics, Mary got to know Abraham Lincoln, who "was thirty, a rising star in the Whig Party and Illinois politics, and an orator and raconteur of some skill."


Abraham Lincoln

Romano describes Mary and Lincoln's tumultuous romance, which ended in marriage in 1842, when Mary was twenty-four and Lincoln was thirty-three. The Lincoln's lived in two temporary residences before they settled into their house on Eighth and Jackson Streets in 1844.


Abraham Lincoln and Mary Todd Lincoln


The Lincolns' home on Eighth and Jackson Streets in Springfield, Illinois

In later years, Mary and Abe's on-and-off romance was used to denigrate Mary, with "no shortage of males claiming that Lincoln, did not marry for love...but because he felt honor bound." This story was largely spread by Lincoln's one-time law partner William Herndon, a scoundrel who made a career of tearing Mary down. Afterwards, writers and biographers repeated Herndon's tale so many times, "it became embedded in history."


William Herndon

Romano cites evidence of Lincoln's deep affection for Mary, including many tender letters; Lincoln calming Mary during her emotional episodes; and Lincoln hurrying to wake Mary after 1860's presidential election, saying, "Mary, Mary, we are elected."

Romano writes a good deal about Lincoln's political career, and emphasizes Mary's active interest and assistance. Mary resented anyone she thought failed to support Lincoln or blocked his advancement, and her grudges were fierce and long-lasting. As an example, William Seward was Lincoln's rival for the Republican presidential nomination in 1860, and after the election, Mary STRONGLY opposed Lincoln making Seward Secretary of State. Lincoln did anyway, and the two men eventually became strong allies. Contrariwise, Mary didn't forgive and forget, and her snubs sometimes embarrassed the administration and made enemies for Mary herself. Sadly, Mary cold-shouldering William Herndon may have been a factor in his long campaign to tear her down.


William Seward


Republican campaign rally at the Lincoln home in August, 1860

The issue of slavery was at the center of Lincoln's presidency, and Romano describes Lincoln's progress from trying to prevent slavery's expansion; to using emancipation as a weapon of war; to the abolition of slavery. Mary was on board with Lincoln every step of the way. Nevertheless, Lincoln's enemies attacked him through Mary, saying she supported the Confederacy, and citing the fact that Mary's family owned slaves, and many of her male relatives joined the Confederate Army. In fact, it's well documented that Mary often visited Union military hospitals, bringing flowers, fruits, and food, and speaking with the soldiers.

Mary Lincoln often visited Union military hospitals like this one

Lamentably, Mary's reputation was harmed by the fact she combined support for the Union with shopping. When Mary visited Philadelphia and New York for pro-Union events, she took the opportunity to shop at luxury stores to spruce up the White House. Mary purchased a grand piano, draperies, Parisian wallpaper, a rosewood bed frame, luxurious carpets, silver, chandeliers. fine French china, and more. Romano writes, "As the government was struggling to pay for the war, Mary was being savaged by Lincoln's detractors for her lavish shopping."


The East Room after Mary redecorated it

Romano believes Mary was (what's now called) a compulsive shopper, evidenced by the fact Mary had "eye-popping debts from her impetuous shopping sprees." The author writes, [Mary] had amassed a collection of fine lace dresses, luxurious furs, 300 pairs of gloves, and jewels, all on credit...Mary's spending had continued, unabated and unchecked, for five years [while Lincoln was president]." After the assassination, "The ride was over. Now all the merchants and banks from which she borrowed were demanding payment."


Mary Todd Lincoln dressed in her finery


An exhibition of Mary Lincoln's wardrobe in 1867

Of course Mary was devastated by Lincoln's assassination in 1865 (which Romano describes), and the situation was made worse by Mary's destitution. It took years for Lincoln's estate to be settled, and meanwhile, Mary had very little money. Romano documents this in detail, and describes Mary obsessively soliciting money from influential and wealthy people. Other aspects of Mary's misbehavior, both during her marriage and widowhood, are documented by Romano, who acknowledges it's all fuel for Mary's critics. Still, Romano excoriates biographers for being HUGELY biased against Mary, and being unsympathetic to Mary's physical and mental illnesses, and the tragedies in her life.

Mary lost three of her and Abraham's four sons: Eddie died in 1850, at the age of three, probably from tuberculosis; Willie died in 1862, at the age of eleven, probably from typhoid; and Tad died in 1871, at the age of eighteen, from a respiratory infection. The only Lincoln child who survived to adulthood was the oldest son, Robert.


The Lincolns' sons: Robert (top left); Willie (top right); and Tad (bottom)

Mary's deep mourning for her children and husband drove her to consult spiritualists, which led to 31-year-old Robert organizing a trial to have his mother committed to an insane asylum in 1875. With help, Mary soon got out, and was almost completely estranged from Robert after that.


Mary Todd Lincoln in mourning clothes after Lincoln's assassination

Mary surely deserved sympathy for all this trauma, but her detractors were largely unable to provide it.

Mary spent large portions of her later life in Europe, both to prevent Robert from trying to institutionalize her again, and because the continent was more economical for a single woman. During her final years, Mary lived with her sister Elizabeth in Springfield, Illinois, and she died in 1882, at age 63.


The funeral of Mary Todd Lincoln

Mary's legacy was largely defined by the misogynistic men who wrote her biographies. Many were influenced by William Herndon's infamous libel, which was accepted as truth. Others believed women should remain in their place in a man's world, and Mary was ostentatious and flamboyant. I think Romano does an admirable job correcting the record.

This is an important book that I'd recommend to all readers interested in American history.

Thanks to Netgalley, Lois Romano, and Simon & Schuster for an ARC of the book.

Rating: 4.5 stars 

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