Review of "Cat on a Hot Tin Woof: A Chet and Bernie Mystery" by Spencer Quinn

 

  

In this 16th book in the 'Chet and Bernie' series, the detective team searches for a missing 'internet famous' cat. The book works fine as a standalone.

In the Chet and Bernie stories, Bernie Little and his hundred-plus pound dog Chet are partners in the Little Detective Agency in Arizona.



Bernie is a West Point graduate, military hero, former police officer, and good at his PI job. Sartorially, Bernie is a fan of Hawaiian shirts, which are loose enough to hide a gun when Bernie's carrying.



Bernie is also the divorced father of 7-year-old Charlie, who's thrilled to have a detective for a dad.



Chet is Bernie's invaluable partner, who's always ready to clamp his jaw on perps and drag them off by the pants.



The books are narrated by Chet, whose somewhat limited vocabulary, unfamiliarity with idioms, and doggie logic set the stage for plenty of smiles.

*****

As the story opens, Bernie and Chet are at Nixon's Championship Autobody, having a bullet extracted from Bernie's vintage Porsche. As Bernie and Nixon talk about the black and white Porsche being too conspicuous for a private investigator.....



.....teenage Bitty Pond and her mother Evelyn Pond arrive at Nixon's Championship Autobody to pick up their car.



Next thing you know, the Little Detective Agency is being hired for a job.



It seems Bitty's cat 'Miss Kitty' - who has over six million followers on the Slickety app - is missing. Not only does Bittty loves her feline, but Miss Kitty brings in $75,000 a month from sponsors, and the Pond ladies need the money.



One of Bernie's first questions to Bitty and Evelyn is 'who has a key to the house', and Bernie and Chet are soon off to interview Phillips Pond (Phil), Evelyn's ex-husband and Bitty's father. Phil and his girlfriend Yolanda live out in the desert, in a mobile home up on blocks....



.....and as Chet reports, there's a chain-link pen around the back with the biggest pig Chet's ever seen, "an enormous pink and black dude busy with a watermelon rind."



In any case, Phil mistakes Bernie for a bill collector, Yolanda threatens him with a shotgun, and the couple claim to know nothing about Miss Kitty's disappearance. They behave squirrelly though, and Bernie thinks they know more than they're saying.



Later, when Bernie and Chet return to re-interview Phil and Yolanda, Phil is dead in the kitchen, Yolanda is gone, and Señor Piggy (as Chet calls him) has burrowed out of his pen and run off. Bernie and Chet hurry off to rescue Señor Piggy from coyotes, and when they bring Señor Piggy back, Phil's body has disappeared.

Before long there's another murder, and Chet deals with a stalker watching Bitty and Evelyn. As Bernie and Chet continue to investigate, they meet a couple of cowgirls who own 'Two Fillies Ranch', and run into rude bikers who impel Bernie to use his famous uppercut when they call Chet a fleabag.



In his personal life, Bernie does a favor for his ex-wife Leda; picks up his son Charlie from Rocketry Club; and spends time with his fiancée Weatherly - a sergeant with the Valley PD. Chet describes all this in detail, though he's amusingly vague about the mischief he's caused during these interactions.



Bernie also hears from a Hollywood agent called Manny Ax, who wants to make a Bernie and Chet PI movie. To smooth the way, Manny sends an enormous wicker basket overflowing with flowers, Bernie's favorite bourbon, and Beef Jerky Heavenlies, made by Doggie Deluxe, Hollywood's finest canine emporium. Bernie's not on board with the movie idea, and asks Chet, "What are we going to do? Send it back?"



Chet is gobsmacked and says, "Had I heard right? Send it back? The flowers, maybe - in fact why not? If it would make Bernie happy we could do without the flowers. Would it help if I peed on them this very second? Happy to. I'm a a team player don't forget. As for the bourbon, I supposed that was up to him, water being my drink. But those Beef Jerky Heavenlies? No way."

There's plenty of danger and adventure before Bernie and Chet solve the case of the missing cat. The climax is somewhat abrupt, but I enjoyed the book, especially Chet's narration. I'll include a couple of examples of Chet's amusing remarks.

Talking about Bernie's cars, Chet says, "Our ride's a Porsche, but not shiny new. Far from it! We've had several Porsches in my career, for sure more than two, which is where I stop when it comes to numbers, but all of them - including the brown one with yellow doors that went off a cliff and the one with martini glass decals that got blown up - were old."



Chet observes, "Bernie is brilliant of course, but - and I mean this in the nicest way - he's not at his most brilliant brilliance when it comes to finances. Perhaps later I'll get into our Hawaiian pants business and even the tin futures play, ruined by an earthquake."



With this in mind, when Bernie and Chet eat at Julio Chan's Tex-Mex Hunan Pagoda, where the sign over the door is a sombrero made of chopsticks, Chet hears Bernie offer Julio a loan. Chet says, "As for what they were talking about....Something about a loan from us? How would that make sense? Hadn't Ms. Mendez - out bank manager and a woman of the no-nonsense type - given Bernie a stern talking to on this very subject?"



As always, this is a fun mystery, a must-read for Chet and Bernie fans.

Thanks to Netgalley, Spencer Quinn, and Minotaur for an ARC of the book.

Rating: 3.5 stars